This is not a story of triumph, at least not yet. It's more of a story of struggle. It's a plea for prayer. Prayer that God will give me the strength to do what my mind and the world tells me I don't need to do. As you've probably guessed from the title up there I'm struggling with forgiveness right now. I can handle someone hurting or wronging me but when you're hurting the people that I care the most about that's a different story. I've been dealing with this inner struggle for a few weeks now but it seems especially strong today. I've written blogs about forgiveness and even counseled others on it. But I'm struggling right now more than I ever have before. I don't understand how someone can do something careless and stupid to a person that has given their entire life for them. I don't understand how people can be in complete denial about their actions. Most of all I don't understand how a person can do one action that has the potential to destroy another person's life and not seem the least bit remorseful about it.
There's a very popular song right now by Matthew West called Forgiveness. I've mentioned in other blogs how many times God has used music to really get my attention. Well I was in the car today and REALLY struggling with how to forgive this person and, in my own sweet little way, kind of arguing with God when this song came on the radio. God knows me so well! Isn't it amazing how God can be focusing on me exactly when I need Him to? He loves me so much that, even though I know there are people in this world with much bigger struggles than mine, He still focuses in on me. The chorus to this song goes " Show me how to love the unloveable. Show me how to reach the unreachable. Show me how to do the impossible... forgiveness." BAM! That's where I am. I find this person unloveable, unreachable, and impossible to forgive. And I'm asking God how can I forgive this person and love them again. And then the song comes to a part that says "help me to do for them what you have done for me."
This person doesn't deserve my forgiveness and most people wouldn't blame me for holding a grudge against this person for the rest of my life. I don't want to pray for God to give me Christlike love for this person. But I have to, because Christ forgave me. I was unloveable and unreachable. But God sent His only Son to die for me and now when God looks at me all He sees is Christ. I am covered in Christ's blood and because of that God loves me! This unforgiveness has already started to have an effect on me that I don't like. I can already see the anger and bitterness building up and threatening to destroy relationships. Is that what I really want? No!
So what's the purpose of this blog? To whine about my problems? Definitely not. I'm begging for prayer. I know that many of you that read my blog are prayer warriors. Please don't ask for details because I will not give them. I just need prayers. Pray that God will fill me with the same love for this person that He has. Honestly, this is not what my flesh wants. But the Holy Spirit that God has placed inside of me is begging me to get rid of this unforgiveness. Not to let this person off the hook, but to let myself of the hook. Like I said in the beginning... this is not a story of triumph, yet. But I do want it to be one. I thank you in advance for the petitions that I know will be heading to Heaven shortly. The devil is trying harder than ever to divide us Christians and in times such as these we need to stand together and show him that we are brothers and sisters in Christ and that we will fight for each other. My God is good and I have no doubt that He will get me through this! Till next time...
Cass
