This is not a story of triumph, at least not yet. It's more of a story of struggle. It's a plea for prayer. Prayer that God will give me the strength to do what my mind and the world tells me I don't need to do. As you've probably guessed from the title up there I'm struggling with forgiveness right now. I can handle someone hurting or wronging me but when you're hurting the people that I care the most about that's a different story. I've been dealing with this inner struggle for a few weeks now but it seems especially strong today. I've written blogs about forgiveness and even counseled others on it. But I'm struggling right now more than I ever have before. I don't understand how someone can do something careless and stupid to a person that has given their entire life for them. I don't understand how people can be in complete denial about their actions. Most of all I don't understand how a person can do one action that has the potential to destroy another person's life and not seem the least bit remorseful about it.
There's a very popular song right now by Matthew West called Forgiveness. I've mentioned in other blogs how many times God has used music to really get my attention. Well I was in the car today and REALLY struggling with how to forgive this person and, in my own sweet little way, kind of arguing with God when this song came on the radio. God knows me so well! Isn't it amazing how God can be focusing on me exactly when I need Him to? He loves me so much that, even though I know there are people in this world with much bigger struggles than mine, He still focuses in on me. The chorus to this song goes " Show me how to love the unloveable. Show me how to reach the unreachable. Show me how to do the impossible... forgiveness." BAM! That's where I am. I find this person unloveable, unreachable, and impossible to forgive. And I'm asking God how can I forgive this person and love them again. And then the song comes to a part that says "help me to do for them what you have done for me."
This person doesn't deserve my forgiveness and most people wouldn't blame me for holding a grudge against this person for the rest of my life. I don't want to pray for God to give me Christlike love for this person. But I have to, because Christ forgave me. I was unloveable and unreachable. But God sent His only Son to die for me and now when God looks at me all He sees is Christ. I am covered in Christ's blood and because of that God loves me! This unforgiveness has already started to have an effect on me that I don't like. I can already see the anger and bitterness building up and threatening to destroy relationships. Is that what I really want? No!
So what's the purpose of this blog? To whine about my problems? Definitely not. I'm begging for prayer. I know that many of you that read my blog are prayer warriors. Please don't ask for details because I will not give them. I just need prayers. Pray that God will fill me with the same love for this person that He has. Honestly, this is not what my flesh wants. But the Holy Spirit that God has placed inside of me is begging me to get rid of this unforgiveness. Not to let this person off the hook, but to let myself of the hook. Like I said in the beginning... this is not a story of triumph, yet. But I do want it to be one. I thank you in advance for the petitions that I know will be heading to Heaven shortly. The devil is trying harder than ever to divide us Christians and in times such as these we need to stand together and show him that we are brothers and sisters in Christ and that we will fight for each other. My God is good and I have no doubt that He will get me through this! Till next time...
Cass
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Happy Mother's Day!
So since this blog is all about becoming a woman captivating to God I definitely thought that a blog dedicated to my mom was in order. My mom is not perfect as no woman is, but I can honestly say that my mom strives for perfection in every area of her life. She might not ever be able to accomplish that until Christ comes for us or she goes to Him but her constant effort towards it has made her into a beautiful woman inside and out. I once told her out of frustration that she couldn't expect perfection out of me and her reply was that she could expect me to try for it at least! At the time I didn't understand it and I thought she had too high expectations out of me. But now as I am older I understand how her seemingly out of reach standards for me have helped mold me into the person I am today. Any good in my character I owe to my mom.
I won't ever forget one 4th of July Sunday in church I knew ahead of time that the choir was going to be singing our National Anthem during the service. My mom played the organ and came to me and told me before the service that when the song was played I was to stand in honor of it, even if I was the only one who did. When the time came for the song only one other person besides me began to stand. I looked at my mom and she gave me a head nod. One of those subtle hints that says "you better do what is right or you'll later wish you had!" I was embarrassed to the point of being sick; but I knew that putting up with the huge knot in my stomach was nothing compared to dealing with my mom being dissappointed in me. So me and the other man stood there alone facing our flag and eventually about half way through the song the rest of the church realized that they needed to also. I had many people come to me after church and let me know that they were thankful that I stood up because it reminded them that they needed to also. At that moment, knowing how proud my mom was of me made the embarrassment worth it. My mom taught me a valuable lesson that day. Character is not common; but you should always have the courage to do the right thing, even if you're the only one doing it.
Through my life most people have seen my mom's high expectations of me as harsh and overbearing. But I would say completely the opposite. Yes I've had a certain fear of my mom. But it's not a fear of physical punishment or withdrawal of love. My biggest fear was always that I would let my mom down. Now before you start psycoanalyzing me let me say that I never did. No matter what I did wrong my mom always let me know that she loved me and that she believed in me to do the right thing. When I did mess up, she told me what the right thing to do was and because of her faith in me I always knew I could do it. She always told me that doing the right thing was never easy or popular, but it was always worth it to have favor with God.
My mom is my biggest fan. She has always believed more in me than I've ever believed in myself. When things got hard in my life and I felt like giving up she always let me know that I was not a quitter and that whatever it was that needed to be done, I could do. And I believed her. Any accomplishment in my life, I owe to my mom. I know her prayers for me are what got me through some of the hardest times in my life. She has made countless sacrifices to make sure that I could live the life she wanted me to.
So to you Mommy (yes I still call her mommy),
You were always right. No matter how smart I acted or how many facts I threw at you, you were always right. Your stand for what is right has been what has kept me going. I've met very few people that take such a stand against wrong as you do and I'm so thankful for your stand. I know that your constant faith in God is what has made me into the person I am today. All the times I've seen you pray for a miracle and recieve it, are why I have the faith in God that I do. Thank you for being a full time mom, even when you had to work. I've always known that your kids are your first priority. I love you so much. You are truly a woman after God's own heart. I love you!
I won't ever forget one 4th of July Sunday in church I knew ahead of time that the choir was going to be singing our National Anthem during the service. My mom played the organ and came to me and told me before the service that when the song was played I was to stand in honor of it, even if I was the only one who did. When the time came for the song only one other person besides me began to stand. I looked at my mom and she gave me a head nod. One of those subtle hints that says "you better do what is right or you'll later wish you had!" I was embarrassed to the point of being sick; but I knew that putting up with the huge knot in my stomach was nothing compared to dealing with my mom being dissappointed in me. So me and the other man stood there alone facing our flag and eventually about half way through the song the rest of the church realized that they needed to also. I had many people come to me after church and let me know that they were thankful that I stood up because it reminded them that they needed to also. At that moment, knowing how proud my mom was of me made the embarrassment worth it. My mom taught me a valuable lesson that day. Character is not common; but you should always have the courage to do the right thing, even if you're the only one doing it.
Through my life most people have seen my mom's high expectations of me as harsh and overbearing. But I would say completely the opposite. Yes I've had a certain fear of my mom. But it's not a fear of physical punishment or withdrawal of love. My biggest fear was always that I would let my mom down. Now before you start psycoanalyzing me let me say that I never did. No matter what I did wrong my mom always let me know that she loved me and that she believed in me to do the right thing. When I did mess up, she told me what the right thing to do was and because of her faith in me I always knew I could do it. She always told me that doing the right thing was never easy or popular, but it was always worth it to have favor with God.
My mom is my biggest fan. She has always believed more in me than I've ever believed in myself. When things got hard in my life and I felt like giving up she always let me know that I was not a quitter and that whatever it was that needed to be done, I could do. And I believed her. Any accomplishment in my life, I owe to my mom. I know her prayers for me are what got me through some of the hardest times in my life. She has made countless sacrifices to make sure that I could live the life she wanted me to.
So to you Mommy (yes I still call her mommy),
You were always right. No matter how smart I acted or how many facts I threw at you, you were always right. Your stand for what is right has been what has kept me going. I've met very few people that take such a stand against wrong as you do and I'm so thankful for your stand. I know that your constant faith in God is what has made me into the person I am today. All the times I've seen you pray for a miracle and recieve it, are why I have the faith in God that I do. Thank you for being a full time mom, even when you had to work. I've always known that your kids are your first priority. I love you so much. You are truly a woman after God's own heart. I love you!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Proverbs 24:10-12
"If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small. If thou forbear to deliver them that are drawn to death, and those that are ready to be slain; If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not he that pondereth the heart consider it? and he that keepeth thy soul, doth not he know it? and shall not he render to every man according to his works?"
So, in other words... If I know someone who needs my help, and I refuse it because I'm scared of adversity, God's going to take that into account the next time I ask Him for help. That's a sobering thought considering that I ask God for help more than I help others. When we get to Heaven we will be judged. Not on the things we did wrong, that's forgiven. But we will be judged on the right things we should've done but didn't. So many times in my life, I've been afraid to ask someone if they needed help. Isn't that crazy? My prideful shyness is what has kept me from helping others. It's not that I don't desire to help... I'm just too shy to ask.
Not that this is an excuse, but I think that part of the reason I'm so afraid to help is because when others find out how much I truly want to help, they kind of think that I'm strange or something. I shouldn't care so much what others think of me but that's a whole other story. This is one area where other types of churches have put ones like mine to shame unfortunately. Because churches like mine believe that salvation is eternal and can never be lost, we have a tendency to put good works to the side. But as Christians we are called to help those is need. The Bible says that faith without works is dead. God uses our good works to minister to others. How alive is our faith? Do we help others when it is hard or only when it is convenient?
What if you felt God asking you to give someone $20 to a person or a good cause? For some people it would be no problem. But what about those of us that it would be harder for? What if that $20 was going to be used for something else? Not something extra like going to a movie. What if it was going to be used for something like groceries? What if giving that $20 meant you were only going to have $30 for groceries instead of $50 that week? Would you still give it? Unfortunately, most of us wouldn't have enough faith in God to provide for us. Now I'm not talking about taking all the money that God has allowed you to earn and always giving it away. You have to provide for your family and that's why God gives us jobs. But every once in awhile God might ask you to do something that requires some faith to believe that things are not going to turn out the way they normally would. Every once in awhile, we ask God to make something turn out different than it normally would. Remember, God will take into account how many times you had the faith to believe He could do it.
This is the prayer God has given me for this year and it's not an easy one. "God, give me true compassion for someone. Show me someone who needs my help in a way that will truly inconvenience my life and require me to have faith in only You to make it all work out." That's a mouthful. But it's what I'm commanded to do. Matt 22:39. This is a prayer that shouldn't be prayed lightly, because the journey ahead will not be an easy one. But I mean it and I'm ready! I want my faith and compassion for others to grow in 2012 so that I can be better able to serve God with all my HEART, soul, and mind. I need prayer for this journey. Prayer that God will give me wisdom and discernment to see the person, or people, that He is going to bring into my life. And please pray that my shyness doesn't get in the way of me asking if they need help! Thanks for reading! Until next time,
Cass
So, in other words... If I know someone who needs my help, and I refuse it because I'm scared of adversity, God's going to take that into account the next time I ask Him for help. That's a sobering thought considering that I ask God for help more than I help others. When we get to Heaven we will be judged. Not on the things we did wrong, that's forgiven. But we will be judged on the right things we should've done but didn't. So many times in my life, I've been afraid to ask someone if they needed help. Isn't that crazy? My prideful shyness is what has kept me from helping others. It's not that I don't desire to help... I'm just too shy to ask.
Not that this is an excuse, but I think that part of the reason I'm so afraid to help is because when others find out how much I truly want to help, they kind of think that I'm strange or something. I shouldn't care so much what others think of me but that's a whole other story. This is one area where other types of churches have put ones like mine to shame unfortunately. Because churches like mine believe that salvation is eternal and can never be lost, we have a tendency to put good works to the side. But as Christians we are called to help those is need. The Bible says that faith without works is dead. God uses our good works to minister to others. How alive is our faith? Do we help others when it is hard or only when it is convenient?
What if you felt God asking you to give someone $20 to a person or a good cause? For some people it would be no problem. But what about those of us that it would be harder for? What if that $20 was going to be used for something else? Not something extra like going to a movie. What if it was going to be used for something like groceries? What if giving that $20 meant you were only going to have $30 for groceries instead of $50 that week? Would you still give it? Unfortunately, most of us wouldn't have enough faith in God to provide for us. Now I'm not talking about taking all the money that God has allowed you to earn and always giving it away. You have to provide for your family and that's why God gives us jobs. But every once in awhile God might ask you to do something that requires some faith to believe that things are not going to turn out the way they normally would. Every once in awhile, we ask God to make something turn out different than it normally would. Remember, God will take into account how many times you had the faith to believe He could do it.
This is the prayer God has given me for this year and it's not an easy one. "God, give me true compassion for someone. Show me someone who needs my help in a way that will truly inconvenience my life and require me to have faith in only You to make it all work out." That's a mouthful. But it's what I'm commanded to do. Matt 22:39. This is a prayer that shouldn't be prayed lightly, because the journey ahead will not be an easy one. But I mean it and I'm ready! I want my faith and compassion for others to grow in 2012 so that I can be better able to serve God with all my HEART, soul, and mind. I need prayer for this journey. Prayer that God will give me wisdom and discernment to see the person, or people, that He is going to bring into my life. And please pray that my shyness doesn't get in the way of me asking if they need help! Thanks for reading! Until next time,
Cass
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)