I finally had a little bit of time to get on the computer and do some updating and while I was thinking about and reading some of my previous blogs I realized that most of them have began with an apology. I'm tired of apologizing. I've come to realize that most of my readers probably don't have time to sit down and read a blog every week anymore than I have time to write one every week! They say "absence makes the heart grow fonder" so I assume you must be pretty fond of me by now!
God has been laying a few different things on my heart lately and some recent events have convinced me that tonight was the night to share all of it. To be honest, I don't even know where to start. So many times I've started a blog wanting to say one thing but God guides my fingers to type something very different. I haven't forgotten about Captivating and many of the things that I've been blogging about have come about because of things that I've learned by reading that book. But I've decided to ditch the chapter by chapter stuff and just share with you lessons that I've learned. One of the very important lessons that I learned reading that book was about forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a funny thing. You can learn it the easy way or the hard way but I've yet to meet anyone who hasn't learned it the hard way. One way or another you will learn it though. Either that or you will live a bitter angry person your entire life. There have been many times in my life that I truly thought that I had forgiven someone only to find out that I either hadn't actually forgiven them or that I had taken back my forgiveness. There have been people in my life that have wronged me that I have simply forgiven once and forgotten about the situation. But there are also people in my life that I must forgive everyday. My pastor's wife has a saying that if something isn't sweet it's bitter. If you have someone in your life that you cannot have sweet thoughts toward, then there is bitterness there. Isn't that convicting?!?! When I heard her say that, the list of people in my life that I was bitter towards became longer than I could see.
You see, conquering bitterness isn't a one time deal. It's something that you must be on the lookout for constantly. It's one of the devil's best weapons because so many times we never see it coming. There have been so many times when I've become angry because while I was just simply thinking about something an image or a memory came to mind that I thought was long gone. But that one memory has enough power behind it to ruin my entire day because just for one moment I allowed myself to be bitter. That's how powerful bitterness is. And where there is bitterness there is unforgiveness.
What do you really think gives you the right to be unforgiving towards anyone? I've made it very clear in this blog that I never intend to insult or offend anyone but I also will not keep from saying something that I feel like I need to say simply because I'm afraid of offending someone. So if what I'm about to say offends you I'm sorry but no one is forcing you to read this. I get really upset when I see people that don't feel like they need to be forgiving. I see so many people that feel like they're serving out justice by being unforgiving. Is that really your place to serve justice? Because my Bible says that you're no better than anyone else on this earth saved or unsaved. It says that "all have come short of the glory of God" and that our rightousness is to God "as filthy rags." So maybe you should leave the judging and justice up to God. But you know what else? God doesn't judge you anywhere close to what you deserve. I mean just think about everything that God has done for you. Do you really think that you even begin to come close to showing God how much you appreciate that? Yet He still loves you, still watches out for you, and is there for you every single time you come back begging for mercy to get out of the mess you got YOURSELF into. So if you really think that you have any right to hold a grudge towards anyone, maybe you should just take a moment to stop and think about what would happen if God did that to you.
Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. When someone rejects God and His love, He has no choice but to leave them to themselves even if it means self destruction, because He will not force His love on anyone. Sometimes in our lives we must do the same. We must leave people to themselves and stop trying to give them help that they do not want. Sometimes you must completely separate yourself from them in order to be sure that you yourself do not go down with them. You know how I said that "if it's not sweet it's bitter?" Well sweetness is not something we can produce on our own. It comes from a life of loving and living for Christ. So where do you think bitterness comes from? Unfortunately our sinful nature produces that on it's own quite well. When people do not live for Christ they are living for themselves and are furthering the devil's purpose on earth. The devil doesn't need to recruit people, he just needs to get people away from Christ.
The only reason I feel like I can say anything on the subject of forgiveness is because I've had to learn this lesson more than once. And honestly, God continues to teach it to me even now. The bottom line is that bitterness is sin and sin is of the devil. So be on a constant watch for it. Fill yourself with the love of Christ by dwelling with Him and the devil won't stand a chance. If you think you can do it on your own I'm afraid you're mistaken. It's more trouble than it's worth because God wants to fight for you and win your battles for you. Let Him be your warrior! And take comfort in knowing that when it comes to God vs. the Devil, God has never lost. So beginning now, give your unforgiveness to God and relax! Enjoy the sweetness that will soon fill your heart! Until next time...
Cass
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
It's been too long...
This blog, like the last couple, is completely different from what I originally intended for this blog to be about. So much has happened in the past few months that I just haven't been able to find the time to get on here and devote the time and attention to this blog. For that, I am truly sorry. I probably should have made it a bigger priority but with my wedding coming up this Saturday (YAY) and everything else going on I've been super busy. But something happened tonight that I just have to share. In fact, it would be selfish not to because everyone who reads this should get to hear about how great God is and just how He showed me that tonight. The past couple of weeks seem to have been nothing but horrible to be honest. But even in the midst of all of that God has continued to show me little things just to remind me about how much He loves me and cares for me. I don't know how I would've made it if it hadn't been for those sweet little reminders.But tonight was completely different. Tonight, I felt like I had God's complete attention. As if for these moments no one else in the world mattered besides me.
Have you ever had one of the those days, or series of days, that just left you feeling completely defeated? I know we all have and honestly, after today, I just felt like throwing in the towel. I was tired of "being strong" and all I wanted was to give up and take the easy way out. We've had car troubles, money troubles, and work troubles that have been piling up and just getting worse over time for awhile now. By "we" I mean me and Johnny. But things really hit the roof this weekend. Friday night Johnny called me from work complaining about chest pain. He's had these pains for a couple of weeks now but they definitely have been getting worse and they were pretty bad on Friday night. I took him to the ER and was there literally all night. The DR sent him home saying it was probably just anxiety since the EKG came back normal. We did however find out that he has diverticulitis so that was a small blessing to finally know why he has such issues with his stomach. Today though Johnny called me at work saying that the pain had gotten very bad and that he really felt like he needed to go to the ER again. So on my lunch break I go and drop him off. Now here it is, three days until my wedding, my dad and step mom arrive in town today, I've got 14 people coming over to my house for dinner tomorrow, and Johnny is in the ER. So you can probably figure out why I'm feeling completely defeated. But even in the midst of all of my self pity at a time when I seemed to have forgotten about God, He didn't forget about me! Here's what happened next...
I live in the lightning capital of the world. More lightning strikes happen in central Florida than any other place on earth. We have these crazy things I call lightning storms where we have all this lightning but no rain or thunder. I think it's awesome! One of the things I love best about living in Florida is sitting and watching lightning light up the sky in complete silence. To me it's just a beautiful picture of God's power. I like to think of it as God showing off :) Tonight, on my way home from the hospital, I saw the most beautiful one I have ever seen! Words cannot even describe the beauty of it all! I was in complete awe and silently thanked God for showing me His power at such a time. But it only got better from there. I came home and began cleaning my apt in preparation for my guests tomorrow and decided to play the radio on my computer. Chris Tomlin's I Will Rise came on right after. This is already one of my favorite songs but tonight it touched me in a completely different way. I felt so overcome by the Spirit that I had to stop what I was doing and just raise my hands and worship. With tears streaming down my face I felt like God was just filling me up with His love when I felt so undeserving of it. But it just got better in a matter of 10 seconds! Within a couple of seconds of the song ending I get the sweetest text message from Johnny telling me how much he loves me! As I'm reading the message I turn the radio back up and Mandisa's Stronger is on the radio now! Another one of my favorites! It was like in that short time God had spoken to my heart and just said "I love you and I always will. I know exactly what you need, when you need it, and how to give it to you."
I never ceased to be amazed at God's love for me! Sure, Johnny is still in the hospital until at least tomorrow just to rule out any heart problems. And there are still work and money issues to be dealt with. But in the midst of all of this God is doing a mighty work in mine and Johnny's hearts. He is showing us that no matter what we face, "He will never leave us nor forsake us". It doesn't get any better than that! I'm writing this to tell you that no matter what you're going through right now, God is still there! He still loves you even when you have a hard time feeling Him there! He cares about you and when you need Him the most, all you have to do is call! Please don't ever give up! God might not change your circumstances, but if you let Him, He'll change your attitude about them. Until next time...
Cass
Have you ever had one of the those days, or series of days, that just left you feeling completely defeated? I know we all have and honestly, after today, I just felt like throwing in the towel. I was tired of "being strong" and all I wanted was to give up and take the easy way out. We've had car troubles, money troubles, and work troubles that have been piling up and just getting worse over time for awhile now. By "we" I mean me and Johnny. But things really hit the roof this weekend. Friday night Johnny called me from work complaining about chest pain. He's had these pains for a couple of weeks now but they definitely have been getting worse and they were pretty bad on Friday night. I took him to the ER and was there literally all night. The DR sent him home saying it was probably just anxiety since the EKG came back normal. We did however find out that he has diverticulitis so that was a small blessing to finally know why he has such issues with his stomach. Today though Johnny called me at work saying that the pain had gotten very bad and that he really felt like he needed to go to the ER again. So on my lunch break I go and drop him off. Now here it is, three days until my wedding, my dad and step mom arrive in town today, I've got 14 people coming over to my house for dinner tomorrow, and Johnny is in the ER. So you can probably figure out why I'm feeling completely defeated. But even in the midst of all of my self pity at a time when I seemed to have forgotten about God, He didn't forget about me! Here's what happened next...
I live in the lightning capital of the world. More lightning strikes happen in central Florida than any other place on earth. We have these crazy things I call lightning storms where we have all this lightning but no rain or thunder. I think it's awesome! One of the things I love best about living in Florida is sitting and watching lightning light up the sky in complete silence. To me it's just a beautiful picture of God's power. I like to think of it as God showing off :) Tonight, on my way home from the hospital, I saw the most beautiful one I have ever seen! Words cannot even describe the beauty of it all! I was in complete awe and silently thanked God for showing me His power at such a time. But it only got better from there. I came home and began cleaning my apt in preparation for my guests tomorrow and decided to play the radio on my computer. Chris Tomlin's I Will Rise came on right after. This is already one of my favorite songs but tonight it touched me in a completely different way. I felt so overcome by the Spirit that I had to stop what I was doing and just raise my hands and worship. With tears streaming down my face I felt like God was just filling me up with His love when I felt so undeserving of it. But it just got better in a matter of 10 seconds! Within a couple of seconds of the song ending I get the sweetest text message from Johnny telling me how much he loves me! As I'm reading the message I turn the radio back up and Mandisa's Stronger is on the radio now! Another one of my favorites! It was like in that short time God had spoken to my heart and just said "I love you and I always will. I know exactly what you need, when you need it, and how to give it to you."
I never ceased to be amazed at God's love for me! Sure, Johnny is still in the hospital until at least tomorrow just to rule out any heart problems. And there are still work and money issues to be dealt with. But in the midst of all of this God is doing a mighty work in mine and Johnny's hearts. He is showing us that no matter what we face, "He will never leave us nor forsake us". It doesn't get any better than that! I'm writing this to tell you that no matter what you're going through right now, God is still there! He still loves you even when you have a hard time feeling Him there! He cares about you and when you need Him the most, all you have to do is call! Please don't ever give up! God might not change your circumstances, but if you let Him, He'll change your attitude about them. Until next time...
Cass
Monday, April 11, 2011
Finally!
Whew! Sorry it's been so long since I've been on here. I moved out of my mom's house a few weeks ago and into my first apartment! Yay! But getting settled in took alot longer than I thought it would! I have a confession to make. I haven't even opened Captivating since the move :( I've been so busy trying to get eveything all settled and I'm just now starting to get to used to my new life. I don't currently have internet at my place so I have to start doing this from school for the time being. I understand that the last blog that I left you with seemed a little depressing and my plan was to come in the next week and save the day with an awesome blog that was gonna make you feel so much better. Lousy timing huh? Well since I haven't had the time to study like I should've I've decided to share with you some other things that God has been working in my life about lately. If you've never done a Beth Moore study I greatly encourage it. I've done one and am currently doing another one at my church with some ladies. Kind of a small group sort of thing. The one I'm doing right now is called So Long Insecurity and boy is it a doozy!
You see, I am consider myself a pretty insecure person. I do not alot of people who are much worse than I am but for years I have watched as my insecurities about certain things have kept me from doing things that I knew I should do and frankly, I'm sick of it! There have been so many times when I felt like I should say something encouraging to someone or tell someone about the gospel but somewhere deep inside me there was a voice telling me "Don't do it! You'll look like an idiot. No one cares about what you have to say." So at that moment I listen to that voice and I keep my mouth shut. But then later I end up feeling so guilty about it because I knew that it was God telling me to say something but somehow the other voice seemed louder. But was that voice really louder? Or was I just not listening to God's voice as well?
For years I have justified my insecurities and I've done it to the point that they have become a huge part of my life and I don't know how I will ever part with them no matter how badly I want to. I went for years without using my voice for the Lord and really convinced myself that I what I was doing was okay. Until finally about two years ago I faced that insecurity and started singing in church. The relief was unbelievable but until recently I still lived with the shame of how long I had gone going completely against what I knew God was telling me to do. So, when my pastor's wife started this insecurity class I decided that I was going to join and that God was going to take away all of my insecurities. But it wasn't that easy.
I start going to the class and completely enjoyed it. However, the more I learned about insecurity and how it is a sin the more discouraged I became about my own insecurity. I felt like my insecurity had gotten to the point that if I ever did come out of it the process would take the rest of my life. Well in the book there is this prayer. We were given copies of it and told to take it home and apply it to our lives. There were parts where we were supposed to fill in blanks and really make it personal. I read over it and thought "well I'll give it a shot but I'm not sure how much it will help." This past Thursday night I sat down and read over this prayer. Before I read it I prayed and asked God that He would work a miracle in my life and that somehow this prayer would do something even if it was only the beginning of something bigger. The results completely took me by surprise! As I read that prayer God revealed so many things about myself to me. I saw myself in this prayer and realized that it was exactly what I needed to say to God. Do you realize how proud insecurity is? You see insecurity means that you don't think you have it in you to do something such as look a certain way, talk a certain way, or do something. Do you realize that you are nothing without God? There is nothing that you can do without Him! Even the things in your life that you aren't insecure about have nothing to do with you. It's ALL ABOUT HIM! If you feel that God is telling you to do something then He will give you what you need to do it. And by the way, that includes taking away your fears! 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." How amazing is that?!?! Listen to the voice of God as hard as you can! Quit listening to the devil tell you that you can't do it. He is out for your soul! He will destroy you if you give him the chance but God has already defeated him for you! Claim that victory! Let the devil know that he will not win this battle inside you because Christ is in you and He is stronger than the devil. We, especially us women, need to quit allowing the devil to tell us that we are less than we are. My friend, you are an amazing work of art hand crafted by the Master Artist. He has created you exactly as He wants you to be and that includes your looks, your personality, and EVERYTHING about you. If that doesn't get you excited I don't know what will!
I'm not trying to say that on Thursday night all my insecurities fled because they sure didn't. But I know now that there is hope. I know that God has forgiven me for all the times insecurity has robbed me of His blessing on me. It might takes years but I know that with God on my side fighting my battles against the devil for me that I can beat my insecurities and so can you! We all have insecurities about something. This week when you feel them creeping up on you call the devil out on them. Do it verbally! Say out loud that he will not win and that Christ is stronger! I promise you will see results. The devil cannot stay where he is not wanted. Claim God's promises for your life this week and see what happens. I'd love to hear about it. Send me a message on facebook and let me know! Hopefully I'll be ready to continue our journey through Captivating next week. Until then,
Cass
You see, I am consider myself a pretty insecure person. I do not alot of people who are much worse than I am but for years I have watched as my insecurities about certain things have kept me from doing things that I knew I should do and frankly, I'm sick of it! There have been so many times when I felt like I should say something encouraging to someone or tell someone about the gospel but somewhere deep inside me there was a voice telling me "Don't do it! You'll look like an idiot. No one cares about what you have to say." So at that moment I listen to that voice and I keep my mouth shut. But then later I end up feeling so guilty about it because I knew that it was God telling me to say something but somehow the other voice seemed louder. But was that voice really louder? Or was I just not listening to God's voice as well?
For years I have justified my insecurities and I've done it to the point that they have become a huge part of my life and I don't know how I will ever part with them no matter how badly I want to. I went for years without using my voice for the Lord and really convinced myself that I what I was doing was okay. Until finally about two years ago I faced that insecurity and started singing in church. The relief was unbelievable but until recently I still lived with the shame of how long I had gone going completely against what I knew God was telling me to do. So, when my pastor's wife started this insecurity class I decided that I was going to join and that God was going to take away all of my insecurities. But it wasn't that easy.
I start going to the class and completely enjoyed it. However, the more I learned about insecurity and how it is a sin the more discouraged I became about my own insecurity. I felt like my insecurity had gotten to the point that if I ever did come out of it the process would take the rest of my life. Well in the book there is this prayer. We were given copies of it and told to take it home and apply it to our lives. There were parts where we were supposed to fill in blanks and really make it personal. I read over it and thought "well I'll give it a shot but I'm not sure how much it will help." This past Thursday night I sat down and read over this prayer. Before I read it I prayed and asked God that He would work a miracle in my life and that somehow this prayer would do something even if it was only the beginning of something bigger. The results completely took me by surprise! As I read that prayer God revealed so many things about myself to me. I saw myself in this prayer and realized that it was exactly what I needed to say to God. Do you realize how proud insecurity is? You see insecurity means that you don't think you have it in you to do something such as look a certain way, talk a certain way, or do something. Do you realize that you are nothing without God? There is nothing that you can do without Him! Even the things in your life that you aren't insecure about have nothing to do with you. It's ALL ABOUT HIM! If you feel that God is telling you to do something then He will give you what you need to do it. And by the way, that includes taking away your fears! 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." How amazing is that?!?! Listen to the voice of God as hard as you can! Quit listening to the devil tell you that you can't do it. He is out for your soul! He will destroy you if you give him the chance but God has already defeated him for you! Claim that victory! Let the devil know that he will not win this battle inside you because Christ is in you and He is stronger than the devil. We, especially us women, need to quit allowing the devil to tell us that we are less than we are. My friend, you are an amazing work of art hand crafted by the Master Artist. He has created you exactly as He wants you to be and that includes your looks, your personality, and EVERYTHING about you. If that doesn't get you excited I don't know what will!
I'm not trying to say that on Thursday night all my insecurities fled because they sure didn't. But I know now that there is hope. I know that God has forgiven me for all the times insecurity has robbed me of His blessing on me. It might takes years but I know that with God on my side fighting my battles against the devil for me that I can beat my insecurities and so can you! We all have insecurities about something. This week when you feel them creeping up on you call the devil out on them. Do it verbally! Say out loud that he will not win and that Christ is stronger! I promise you will see results. The devil cannot stay where he is not wanted. Claim God's promises for your life this week and see what happens. I'd love to hear about it. Send me a message on facebook and let me know! Hopefully I'll be ready to continue our journey through Captivating next week. Until then,
Cass
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Chapter 4 Wounded
This is the chapter where the book gets scary. If you're reading the book and you're not wanting to change... stop here! The change will be good, but it will be hard. You will release things you never even realized you were holding in. At least I did. This chapter brought a turning point for me. I could either stop right here and not leave my comfort zone or press on and have faith that God would bring me through what was coming. Thankfully I chose to press on and I've never regretted it! Alright, buckle up, it's gonna get rocky!
This is going to bring back memories for many of you if not all of you. We all have our wounds and many times we cover these wounds up before we even realize what's happening. Reading through this chapter uncovered many wounds that I thought were long gone. If I asked you to think back to a time one of your parents did something hurtful most of you would probably not have to think long. Our parents are only human after all and they mess up too. But what about those of us who dealt with hurtful things as a part of our life? It wasn't a one time thing or something that happened every once in awhile. It happened often... so often that you just quit paying attention to it. I have a wonderful relationship with my dad now but it has not always been that way. Some of this is hard to write about becuase I know my dad and family read this and the last thing I want to do is hurt them. But I believe that revealing certain things are necessary and I also think that my family will understand that God is wanting to use these things to help others. When reading through this chapter I remembered things that happened when I was a little girl that I hadn't thought about in years. I dont believe that at that point it was the devil trying to bring anger into my life like he has tried before. What was happening was the beginning of healing. But I'm getting ahead of myself...
How do you see yourself as a woman? Do you see yourself as lovely? Feminine? How you see yourself now is a result of what you felt you were seen as when you were a little girl. If you felt valued as a little girl you probably feel valued now. If you felt unworthy as a little girl then you probably struggle with feeling the same now. I love this line from the book. "Women learn from their mothers what it means to be a woman, and from their fathers the value that a woman has-- the value they have as a woman." I don't know about you but that sentence revealed so much to me. This is where it gets hard. The message given to me as a little girl was this. "You are not the most important thing to me and you shouldn't expect to be. I am stronger and more powerful than you so don't even think about ever questioning me." Did I learn this from my dad? Not completely, but alot of it yes. There's this story lingering in the back of my head... it's one of the ones that I thought about again while reading this chapter. Here goes...
When I was four years old I got sick and had to stay home from school. My mom went to work for awhile and my dad stayed with me. My dad and my brother had this thing where every sunday morning they would sit together in his chair and read the "funnies" or the comics. The dog would usually jump up there with them and they seemed to have a great time. Well my brother was at school and it was just me and my dad so I asked my dad if I could sit with him and read the paper with him. I can still remember the look that he gave me. He was shocked and didn't know what to say. For some reason I got brave that morning and begged him to let me sit with him while he read. He finally agreed to let me. But it wasn't long before the dog wanted to get up in the chair with him and suddenly there wasn't enough room. I had to leave to make room for the dog. Now before you go thinking about what a horrible thing that was for my dad to do, know this. My dad probably never had any idea of how badly that hurt. He probably thought nothing of it. In his mind he probably thought that I wanted our relationship as distant as it was. He thought that I had my special relationship with my mom and he had his with my brother. There were alot of hurtful things that happened when I was a little girl. But I know that none of them were intentional. My dad was doing the best he knew how to do. He was always a good man. He worked and provided for his family, he never beat us, and he made sure that we stayed in church. But what he didn't realize was that what I wanted most from him was himself. Now like I said... at 21 years old I'm blessed enough to have the right kind of relationship with my dad. When I've had a bad day and I can't reach my fiance Johnny right away I long for my dad. Through God's healing for both of us he's learned how to be my dad.
Maybe your story doesn't have a happy ending and maybe it does. Regardless, you still have wounds. Those wounds go straight to your femininity. You probably have no idea what to do about them. All you know is that they hurt so bad. You don't realize the effect they're having on your life but everyone else does. The worst part is that you probably feel like it's your fault. For most of my life I was constantly being told that I was too emotional. You know how I took care of that? I never let anyone see me cry. I became tough. I vowed to never be so vulnerable that someone could hurt me so bad ever again. You know how I did it? Everytime the emotions would get so bad I couldn't handle them I would go to the bathroom to cry. I felt safe there because I knew no one would barge in on me there. This trend carried on well into my adult life. When I would feel threatened or scared all of the sudden I would need to use the bathroom. I would run there and pour out my emotions. Then I would clean myself up and walk out like nothing had ever happened. Here's another great line... "The vows we make and the things we do as a result of our wounds only make matters worse." As time went on I built walls around my heart stronger than any army could break down. Here's one last line from the book I feel I have to share... "The wounds you have recieved have come to you for a purpose from one who knows all you are meant to be and fears you." Satan fears us revealing God's heart. So he does everything he can to destroy ours. That's what happened to me and that's what happened to you. And when you realize this and give it over to the only one who can defeat Satan, then and only then will you find healing. Think about your wounds and the things you have done as a result. That's what we'll focus on next week. Have a great weekend!
Cass
This is going to bring back memories for many of you if not all of you. We all have our wounds and many times we cover these wounds up before we even realize what's happening. Reading through this chapter uncovered many wounds that I thought were long gone. If I asked you to think back to a time one of your parents did something hurtful most of you would probably not have to think long. Our parents are only human after all and they mess up too. But what about those of us who dealt with hurtful things as a part of our life? It wasn't a one time thing or something that happened every once in awhile. It happened often... so often that you just quit paying attention to it. I have a wonderful relationship with my dad now but it has not always been that way. Some of this is hard to write about becuase I know my dad and family read this and the last thing I want to do is hurt them. But I believe that revealing certain things are necessary and I also think that my family will understand that God is wanting to use these things to help others. When reading through this chapter I remembered things that happened when I was a little girl that I hadn't thought about in years. I dont believe that at that point it was the devil trying to bring anger into my life like he has tried before. What was happening was the beginning of healing. But I'm getting ahead of myself...
How do you see yourself as a woman? Do you see yourself as lovely? Feminine? How you see yourself now is a result of what you felt you were seen as when you were a little girl. If you felt valued as a little girl you probably feel valued now. If you felt unworthy as a little girl then you probably struggle with feeling the same now. I love this line from the book. "Women learn from their mothers what it means to be a woman, and from their fathers the value that a woman has-- the value they have as a woman." I don't know about you but that sentence revealed so much to me. This is where it gets hard. The message given to me as a little girl was this. "You are not the most important thing to me and you shouldn't expect to be. I am stronger and more powerful than you so don't even think about ever questioning me." Did I learn this from my dad? Not completely, but alot of it yes. There's this story lingering in the back of my head... it's one of the ones that I thought about again while reading this chapter. Here goes...
When I was four years old I got sick and had to stay home from school. My mom went to work for awhile and my dad stayed with me. My dad and my brother had this thing where every sunday morning they would sit together in his chair and read the "funnies" or the comics. The dog would usually jump up there with them and they seemed to have a great time. Well my brother was at school and it was just me and my dad so I asked my dad if I could sit with him and read the paper with him. I can still remember the look that he gave me. He was shocked and didn't know what to say. For some reason I got brave that morning and begged him to let me sit with him while he read. He finally agreed to let me. But it wasn't long before the dog wanted to get up in the chair with him and suddenly there wasn't enough room. I had to leave to make room for the dog. Now before you go thinking about what a horrible thing that was for my dad to do, know this. My dad probably never had any idea of how badly that hurt. He probably thought nothing of it. In his mind he probably thought that I wanted our relationship as distant as it was. He thought that I had my special relationship with my mom and he had his with my brother. There were alot of hurtful things that happened when I was a little girl. But I know that none of them were intentional. My dad was doing the best he knew how to do. He was always a good man. He worked and provided for his family, he never beat us, and he made sure that we stayed in church. But what he didn't realize was that what I wanted most from him was himself. Now like I said... at 21 years old I'm blessed enough to have the right kind of relationship with my dad. When I've had a bad day and I can't reach my fiance Johnny right away I long for my dad. Through God's healing for both of us he's learned how to be my dad.
Maybe your story doesn't have a happy ending and maybe it does. Regardless, you still have wounds. Those wounds go straight to your femininity. You probably have no idea what to do about them. All you know is that they hurt so bad. You don't realize the effect they're having on your life but everyone else does. The worst part is that you probably feel like it's your fault. For most of my life I was constantly being told that I was too emotional. You know how I took care of that? I never let anyone see me cry. I became tough. I vowed to never be so vulnerable that someone could hurt me so bad ever again. You know how I did it? Everytime the emotions would get so bad I couldn't handle them I would go to the bathroom to cry. I felt safe there because I knew no one would barge in on me there. This trend carried on well into my adult life. When I would feel threatened or scared all of the sudden I would need to use the bathroom. I would run there and pour out my emotions. Then I would clean myself up and walk out like nothing had ever happened. Here's another great line... "The vows we make and the things we do as a result of our wounds only make matters worse." As time went on I built walls around my heart stronger than any army could break down. Here's one last line from the book I feel I have to share... "The wounds you have recieved have come to you for a purpose from one who knows all you are meant to be and fears you." Satan fears us revealing God's heart. So he does everything he can to destroy ours. That's what happened to me and that's what happened to you. And when you realize this and give it over to the only one who can defeat Satan, then and only then will you find healing. Think about your wounds and the things you have done as a result. That's what we'll focus on next week. Have a great weekend!
Cass
Friday, March 4, 2011
Chapter 3 Haunted by a Question
Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. There's so much going on right now and my life has been kinda hectic and crazy. I can tell it's been a long time since I've updated... I can't hardly remember how to type! This chapter is just as good as the rest. I love the title... Haunted by a Question. That question is this... Am I lovely? Don't you love that word? LOVELY. I do. It speaks so much more than just an outward beauty. Any woman can be beautiful on the outside... but it takes a lot to be lovely. I remember one time during church when I was about five years old I was sitting with my grandmother. She was giving me pens and paper from her purse to keep me busy and somehow I managed to get a hold of her lipstick. I had so much fun... and I remember thinking that she must not mind because if she did she would've stopped me. Well when she did catch me it became obvious that she did mind. Looking back on it I can see that I was trying to be lovely. Our society tells us that in order to be beautiful we have to wear make up. As little girls we're told that we don't need make up, but then we see all the older women around us that can't go without it. What exactly happens when girls become teenagers? Do they all of the sudden become ugly? In my honest opinion women do not NEED make up. It's about that age that we just get tired of wondering if we are beautiful and we think make up is the answer to our question. I do wear make up but I've never been the type to HAVE to wear it. Sure it enhances my features and I do think I look better with it. But I also think that I'm beautiful without it. Well, I do now. To be honest, I eventually just got to the point that I didn't care whether or not I felt beautiful. So what was the point in wearing make up? As I read this chapter I remember feeling puzzled. For so long I had been made to feel like it was wrong to strive for beauty. And now I was being told that God finds me beautiful. But it's so much more than just an outward beauty. God finds me lovely. He thinks that I'm beautiful inside and out.
Do you know what it is that brings this beauty out in me and you? It's when we quit trying to be something we're not. God did not ever intend for us to have to be "tough." Not that we should be weak and passive either. When we try to act like we don't need anyone to take care of us and that we can do anything we are not showing our true feminine beauty. Showing a false image of God is sin. Think about it. If you are the image bearer of God what kind of image are you showing others? Did you know that God wants to take care of you? As women we want most for our emotional needs to be taken care of. And we are always looking for a man to do that for us. God wants to do that for us. When we rest in Him and trust that He will take care of us our true beauty comes through. A woman at rest is truly a lovely woman. Think about the women in your life that you feel are truly lovely. Do they always look as if they are in a rush? Do they constantly question if they look alright? Do they seem as if they are constantly striving for something? Chances are they don't. If you haven't read this book I really encourage you to. I wish so bad I could just show you the whole chapter right here. The author does such a good job of explaining all of this.
Probably the best thing that I read in the whole chapter was about a woman's biggest fear. Abandonment. Just let that sink in for a moment. We are so scared that the people that we trust in our lives are going to fail us. I can speak about this from personal experience. I had a couple experiences in my life where I felt truly abandoned. It gave me a fear that has never been matched. I hate to be alone. Absolutely cannot stand it. I'm moving out of my mom's house in a week and will be living by myself for about 3 months before I get married. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I'm already getting scared. Well here's the thing friend. People will fail you and for you to expect them not to is unreasonable. They are human just as you are. But do you know who will never fail you? God won't! He is the only One who is completely capable of fulfilling your needs as a woman. He will always give you just what you need at the right time. The Bible is full of verses that proclaim this! When we put our trust in Him and in Him alone our fear of abandonment vanishes. He said He would never leave us nor forsake us. This excites me just thinking about it! It fills me with confidence and makes all my fears flee. And that is what true beauty really is. Trusting in our all powerful, loving, wonderful God. Just read your Bible and find as many promises from Him as you can. See what it does for your feminine heart.
I just want to take a moment to talk about a woman that is truly lovely to me. I've never been able to meet her in person and to be honest I haven't gotten to talk to her as much as I would like to. I"m not even sure if she reads this blog. What I do know about her comes from what others say and what I see on facebook. I really should get to know this person better, especially since she's my step sister, Jocelyn. She is a mother of three. But from everything I see she is not the image of a typical mother of three. It's not that she any less housework to do or that she has any more help than any other typical mother. But I can tell just from the little that I know her that she is resting in God. She truly enjoys life and loves being a mom. She is exactly what I hope to have with my family one day. I'm blessed to have other women in my life like this to but I just wanted to give a personal example.
This week think about that question... Am I lovely? Think about what your answer to that would be. Next we'll talk about what happens when we expect others to answer that question for us instead of taking it to God. This is something that I have personally experienced and you probably have too. Now I want us to learn about what to do about it. Have a great week!
Cass
Do you know what it is that brings this beauty out in me and you? It's when we quit trying to be something we're not. God did not ever intend for us to have to be "tough." Not that we should be weak and passive either. When we try to act like we don't need anyone to take care of us and that we can do anything we are not showing our true feminine beauty. Showing a false image of God is sin. Think about it. If you are the image bearer of God what kind of image are you showing others? Did you know that God wants to take care of you? As women we want most for our emotional needs to be taken care of. And we are always looking for a man to do that for us. God wants to do that for us. When we rest in Him and trust that He will take care of us our true beauty comes through. A woman at rest is truly a lovely woman. Think about the women in your life that you feel are truly lovely. Do they always look as if they are in a rush? Do they constantly question if they look alright? Do they seem as if they are constantly striving for something? Chances are they don't. If you haven't read this book I really encourage you to. I wish so bad I could just show you the whole chapter right here. The author does such a good job of explaining all of this.
Probably the best thing that I read in the whole chapter was about a woman's biggest fear. Abandonment. Just let that sink in for a moment. We are so scared that the people that we trust in our lives are going to fail us. I can speak about this from personal experience. I had a couple experiences in my life where I felt truly abandoned. It gave me a fear that has never been matched. I hate to be alone. Absolutely cannot stand it. I'm moving out of my mom's house in a week and will be living by myself for about 3 months before I get married. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I'm already getting scared. Well here's the thing friend. People will fail you and for you to expect them not to is unreasonable. They are human just as you are. But do you know who will never fail you? God won't! He is the only One who is completely capable of fulfilling your needs as a woman. He will always give you just what you need at the right time. The Bible is full of verses that proclaim this! When we put our trust in Him and in Him alone our fear of abandonment vanishes. He said He would never leave us nor forsake us. This excites me just thinking about it! It fills me with confidence and makes all my fears flee. And that is what true beauty really is. Trusting in our all powerful, loving, wonderful God. Just read your Bible and find as many promises from Him as you can. See what it does for your feminine heart.
I just want to take a moment to talk about a woman that is truly lovely to me. I've never been able to meet her in person and to be honest I haven't gotten to talk to her as much as I would like to. I"m not even sure if she reads this blog. What I do know about her comes from what others say and what I see on facebook. I really should get to know this person better, especially since she's my step sister, Jocelyn. She is a mother of three. But from everything I see she is not the image of a typical mother of three. It's not that she any less housework to do or that she has any more help than any other typical mother. But I can tell just from the little that I know her that she is resting in God. She truly enjoys life and loves being a mom. She is exactly what I hope to have with my family one day. I'm blessed to have other women in my life like this to but I just wanted to give a personal example.
This week think about that question... Am I lovely? Think about what your answer to that would be. Next we'll talk about what happens when we expect others to answer that question for us instead of taking it to God. This is something that I have personally experienced and you probably have too. Now I want us to learn about what to do about it. Have a great week!
Cass
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Chapter 2 continued...
This chapter is really great and I'm so excited to share this one with you! But before we begin there are just a couple things I want to get straight. In the course of this blog I might say some things about how my parents raised me that I don't completely agree with. However, I love my parents to death and I do not hold anything against them. They were doing the best that they could and I'm sure if you were to ask either one of them they would tell you that knowing what they know now, they would do things alot differently. My mom has been an awesome mom and kept on going when most would've given up. My dad and I now have a great relationship that I wouldn't trade for anything. So, now that we have that out of the way lets dive straight in.
Last week we talked about how woman was God's finishing touch on this world. How all the beauty and splendor of the earth was not enough but God had to create woman. My favorite line in the whole book is this. "Beauty is an essence given to every woman at her creation." Beauty is not just on the surface. There are many women that I know that would not be considered beautiful by the world, but their spirit shines through and to me they are gorgeous. God has a beauty to unveil and He shows it through His creation. Beauty is essential to life. Read the parts of Revelation where John sees God and after reading that there is no way you can doubt that God is beautiful and that He creates beauty. It is not vain to long for beauty as long as you can be satisfied being beautiful the way that God made you. Again, focus on God, and your beauty will shine through.
We're also going to talk about how God is relational to His core... just like women. Women are all about relationships. I've known alot of men that would tell me that they don't really have anyone that they would call a "best friend." But I don't know that I've ever met a woman who could say that. Relationships are SO important to women that they will do just about anything to keep them together. That's why there is all the drama! As much as we hate it we can't get away from it. We as women do not respond well when we feel like a relationship is being threatened. Guess what? Neither does God! More than anything God longs to have a relationship with us. What is the very first commanment? Mark 12:30 "And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment." This goes back to what we were talking about last week... about how important the relationship with God is. The Bible is full of verses that speak of how God longs to have a relationship with us. Which is why I asked you to read Song of Solomon. I like to think of that book of the Bible as God's love letter to me. When I realize that God longs for me, not just blind obedience but an actual relationship with me, it changes my whole view of God. You see, it's not just that I should read my Bible because I'm commanded to, or that I should pray everyday because the Bible tells me to. I should do all those things because God wants time with me and when I give up time with God to spend it with other things like TV, internet, or all the other useless time consuming things I do, then God gets jealous. And just like a jealous woman, a jealous God is not to be messed with.
The last thing we're going to talk about is how every woman longs to be an irreplaceable part of an adventure. That's why I asked you to think about the movies you loved as a little girl. I'm sure you probably loved the princess stories, especially the ones where the "ugly duckling" discovered that she was actually a princess and suddenly realized that she could be beautiful (are you making the connection yet?). My favorite princess movies are The Princess Diaries and Pocahontas. I love how in The Princess Diaries Princess Mia transformed from a geek with no confidence to a beautiful princess training to one day rule a country. In Pocahontas I loved how she was a huge part of a big adventure. John Smith needed her! He would've died without her! No one else could've done what she did! God created us with this longing. When God created Eve He did not create her to be Adam's slave. When God gave the commandment to name and take charge over the garden and the animals, He did not just give it to Adam. Genesis 1:28 The commandment was given to Adam and Eve. Adam needed Eve. He couldn't have done it without her. The book goes into alot more detail about this than I have time to share and I encourage you to read it. All in all though this sense of adventure also speaks of God. Just like women love to feel irreplaceable so does God. He doesn't want to be simply an addition to your life. He wants to know and feel that He cannot be replaced. Do we make God feel this way? I'm afraid that often we don't. How do you think God feels when we go to our friends about a problem for comfort before we go to God? Or how does He feel when we try to fix a problem on our own instead of acknowledging first of all that we need Him to help us? As I'm typing this I'm being convicted. I just wonder how great my relationship with God could be if I let God know that He is not replaceable? Let's work on that this week shall we? I'll make an effort to be praying for all my readers and please in turn pray for me. I've been pretty open and honest about my personal struggles and things that God is teaching me through writing this and if God is working in you too then I would love to hear about it. Please feel free to leave comments on here or facebook or to message me personally. I love to hear the encouragement! Have a great weekend!
Cass
Last week we talked about how woman was God's finishing touch on this world. How all the beauty and splendor of the earth was not enough but God had to create woman. My favorite line in the whole book is this. "Beauty is an essence given to every woman at her creation." Beauty is not just on the surface. There are many women that I know that would not be considered beautiful by the world, but their spirit shines through and to me they are gorgeous. God has a beauty to unveil and He shows it through His creation. Beauty is essential to life. Read the parts of Revelation where John sees God and after reading that there is no way you can doubt that God is beautiful and that He creates beauty. It is not vain to long for beauty as long as you can be satisfied being beautiful the way that God made you. Again, focus on God, and your beauty will shine through.
We're also going to talk about how God is relational to His core... just like women. Women are all about relationships. I've known alot of men that would tell me that they don't really have anyone that they would call a "best friend." But I don't know that I've ever met a woman who could say that. Relationships are SO important to women that they will do just about anything to keep them together. That's why there is all the drama! As much as we hate it we can't get away from it. We as women do not respond well when we feel like a relationship is being threatened. Guess what? Neither does God! More than anything God longs to have a relationship with us. What is the very first commanment? Mark 12:30 "And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment." This goes back to what we were talking about last week... about how important the relationship with God is. The Bible is full of verses that speak of how God longs to have a relationship with us. Which is why I asked you to read Song of Solomon. I like to think of that book of the Bible as God's love letter to me. When I realize that God longs for me, not just blind obedience but an actual relationship with me, it changes my whole view of God. You see, it's not just that I should read my Bible because I'm commanded to, or that I should pray everyday because the Bible tells me to. I should do all those things because God wants time with me and when I give up time with God to spend it with other things like TV, internet, or all the other useless time consuming things I do, then God gets jealous. And just like a jealous woman, a jealous God is not to be messed with.
The last thing we're going to talk about is how every woman longs to be an irreplaceable part of an adventure. That's why I asked you to think about the movies you loved as a little girl. I'm sure you probably loved the princess stories, especially the ones where the "ugly duckling" discovered that she was actually a princess and suddenly realized that she could be beautiful (are you making the connection yet?). My favorite princess movies are The Princess Diaries and Pocahontas. I love how in The Princess Diaries Princess Mia transformed from a geek with no confidence to a beautiful princess training to one day rule a country. In Pocahontas I loved how she was a huge part of a big adventure. John Smith needed her! He would've died without her! No one else could've done what she did! God created us with this longing. When God created Eve He did not create her to be Adam's slave. When God gave the commandment to name and take charge over the garden and the animals, He did not just give it to Adam. Genesis 1:28 The commandment was given to Adam and Eve. Adam needed Eve. He couldn't have done it without her. The book goes into alot more detail about this than I have time to share and I encourage you to read it. All in all though this sense of adventure also speaks of God. Just like women love to feel irreplaceable so does God. He doesn't want to be simply an addition to your life. He wants to know and feel that He cannot be replaced. Do we make God feel this way? I'm afraid that often we don't. How do you think God feels when we go to our friends about a problem for comfort before we go to God? Or how does He feel when we try to fix a problem on our own instead of acknowledging first of all that we need Him to help us? As I'm typing this I'm being convicted. I just wonder how great my relationship with God could be if I let God know that He is not replaceable? Let's work on that this week shall we? I'll make an effort to be praying for all my readers and please in turn pray for me. I've been pretty open and honest about my personal struggles and things that God is teaching me through writing this and if God is working in you too then I would love to hear about it. Please feel free to leave comments on here or facebook or to message me personally. I love to hear the encouragement! Have a great weekend!
Cass
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Chapter 2 What Eve Alone Can Tell
I have a confession to make. I'm not perfect. I know it's hard to believe. Now obviously I understand that no one really does think that I'm perfect but sometimes I do feel like I'm held to the standard of perfection. Am I alone in this? That was a stupid question. I know that if you are a woman that you've felt that way before and I also know that if you were honest with yourself there is a very good chance you feel that way right now. If not, I applaud you and hope and pray that one day maybe I can get rid of this nagging feeling of never living up. Why is it that as women we constantly struggle with this? Can we blame it on the world? Maybe. Can we blame it on men? Seems to always be the easy answer. But really, I think we've done it to ourselves. God's love does not work on a reward system ladies for if it did we would surely be doomed. Now, when I made the observation that I wasn't perfect what I really meant was that I don't live up to my own standards. I'm so tired of feeling like I constantly have to do better. It's true that as a Christian I need to do my best to please my Savior and reflect Him in my life. But if I focus on having a realtionship with Him instead of trying to win over His love maybe it wouldn't be so much work. You see, I'm at this transition in my life. I've spent my whole life trying to please my mom and make her happy that it's just what I do. I don't have to try hard to do it. But I'm becoming an adult and although I hope that my mom is pleased with me I have to shift my focus. Wow... I just shocked myself. You see, there is something in my heart that I've been kind of wrestling with God about for a little while now. I've felt so confused about what to do but honestly, it feels like there is nothing I can do to make everyone happy. But I think I just figured it out. I didn't plan on writing any of this. I had two things on my heart that I wanted to blog about tonight and wasn't sure which path to take so I just starting typing and trusted that God would lead my fingers. I've had some alone time with God tonight and have been begging Him to give me the answers and I think he just did. Praise God! I've got to get my focus on having a relationship with God. Just like my relationship with my mom, if I can get focused on my relationship with God then trying to do the right thing won't be so much work. It'll become simply what I do.
Now onto what that has to do with Captivating. You see, what I just did there, admitting my imperfection and being open about my struggles in my Christian walk, was a huge step for me. There was a time in my life when I would've never talked about all of that openly for all the world to read. If perfection was what people wanted then that was what I would show them. Even if it wasn't real.
So, did you do what I challenged you to do last week? If not you're might end up wishing that you had. As I was studying this chapter I began remembering what I was going through when I read this for the first time and how much of an impact it had on me. To begin, I want you to think of your favorite piece of artwork. Not necessarily a painting or something like that but what it is that man has created that you find beautiful. I have a couple. I love music and cooking. I will listen to just about any type of music (which does not include rap because that is NOT music) but I particularly love stuff from the 40's. Especially Sinatra. That is art to me. Not just his voice, but the actual music of that era. I also love to cook. I know you may not think of cooking as art but for me it is. I do NOT simply follow a recipe. The recipe is the framework and my job is to build on it and perfect it. Enough about that. This isn't about me. Now imagine the creation of the universe. Think about it in the stages that God created it. But while you're thinking about it think about and imagine the creation of your favorite art work. Now, imagine that you get to the end and everything up to this point has gone perfect. But as you look back at the creation of your artwork you realize that something is not right. Something is missing... kind of like when I taste my creation and realize that although it is good, there is something else that would make it perfect.
This my friend, is what happened at the creation of the earth. God created and created all the way until He created man. But as He looked back at everything He realized that something was missing. That something was woman. Just think about that. I've gone on way longer than I planned so the rest of this will have to wait until a later date. But this week, just think about the fact that you, woman, were God's finishing touch to this beautiful earth that He created. Think about the most beautiful God created thing that you have ever seen... and then think about the fact that it wasn't enough. He needed YOU.
Until next time...
Cassandra
P.S. if you didn't have time to complete my challenge from last week you still have time! do it this week!
Now onto what that has to do with Captivating. You see, what I just did there, admitting my imperfection and being open about my struggles in my Christian walk, was a huge step for me. There was a time in my life when I would've never talked about all of that openly for all the world to read. If perfection was what people wanted then that was what I would show them. Even if it wasn't real.
So, did you do what I challenged you to do last week? If not you're might end up wishing that you had. As I was studying this chapter I began remembering what I was going through when I read this for the first time and how much of an impact it had on me. To begin, I want you to think of your favorite piece of artwork. Not necessarily a painting or something like that but what it is that man has created that you find beautiful. I have a couple. I love music and cooking. I will listen to just about any type of music (which does not include rap because that is NOT music) but I particularly love stuff from the 40's. Especially Sinatra. That is art to me. Not just his voice, but the actual music of that era. I also love to cook. I know you may not think of cooking as art but for me it is. I do NOT simply follow a recipe. The recipe is the framework and my job is to build on it and perfect it. Enough about that. This isn't about me. Now imagine the creation of the universe. Think about it in the stages that God created it. But while you're thinking about it think about and imagine the creation of your favorite art work. Now, imagine that you get to the end and everything up to this point has gone perfect. But as you look back at the creation of your artwork you realize that something is not right. Something is missing... kind of like when I taste my creation and realize that although it is good, there is something else that would make it perfect.
This my friend, is what happened at the creation of the earth. God created and created all the way until He created man. But as He looked back at everything He realized that something was missing. That something was woman. Just think about that. I've gone on way longer than I planned so the rest of this will have to wait until a later date. But this week, just think about the fact that you, woman, were God's finishing touch to this beautiful earth that He created. Think about the most beautiful God created thing that you have ever seen... and then think about the fact that it wasn't enough. He needed YOU.
Until next time...
Cassandra
P.S. if you didn't have time to complete my challenge from last week you still have time! do it this week!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Chapter One
Before I begin our journey I have a couple of things to clear up. It was brought to my attention that it would be wise to include a sort of disclaimer about the book Captivating. John and Stasi Elderidge are great authors and their books have a had a huge impact on mine and Johnny's lives. But just like about any author I do not completely agree with everything they believe doctrinely. Please do not think that just because I agree with about 95% of things said in the book that I am going to become Stasi Elderidge. However, I also do not believe that just because someone believes some things that I believe are wrong that everything they have to say is wrong. God has given this couple an unbelieveable insight and the things that we have learned from their books are like nothing I've ever read before. Which leads me into the first chapter.
To be completely honest the first chapter of this book did not make a very good first impression on me. There were things said in the first book that flot out made me mad. I still don't completely agree with everything she said in the first chapter but something in there interested me enough to want to keep reading. There were actually a number of things that intrigued me. To begin with, she uncovered so many of the questions my heart was asking and feeling. We'll get more into those questions in later chapters but believe me, I'm sure you've all wondered about them too. They are questions that we as women will always ask because our world makes us wonder about them. Why exactly are women so emotional? Why did God make us "the weaker sex?" Why is it that I always want to do better but never feel like it's enough? Why is my need to be romanced so great? My friend, that is the way God made you!
Think about it this way. We know that the Bible tells us that we are created in God's image. But why is it that when we think about God we think only of masculine features? Is God a man? Is He a woman? The truth is very simple yet we seem to not understand it. We of course know that God is neither man nor woman. But the thing is that not only are men created in God's image... women are too! God created both of them in His image. You, my women friend, show a part of God's heart that no man can ever show. And God needs you to show it! Are you hiding it by trying to be "tough?" Are you hiding your true beauty because you don't think you're beautiful at all? I was. God showed me that was sin. God does not make mistakes. For years I wondered why I had to be so emotional. It showed my weak side and after awhile I realized that if people could figure out when I'm weak they could figure out how to hurt me. So as a result I made sure to never cry in front of anyone. Oh if I had known what I was hiding!
The book has a guided journal that I bought to go through after I read the book the first time. I want to share with you a few parts of the questions asked and my responses so you can see just what condition I'm recovering from.
One question asked me to skim over the pages of the first chapter and write about the things that stood out the most to me. The part that I remember especially striking my heart was a part about little girls and twirling skirts. C'mon... you have to admit that as a little girl you loved to twirl your skirts. It made you feel beautiful! But when I was a little girl and twirled my skirts I got in trouble. It was inappropriate. The message spoken to me concerning beauty when I was a little girl was "It's wrong to want to be beautiful. God only cares about what's on the inside so to strive for beauty is vanity." It wasn't until I read this book that I realized how wrong that was. It's true that when you focus on beauty too much and can become vanity. But it is not wrong to want to be beautiful! God put that in you!
Much of this may seem very abstract because the first chapter is kind of an overview of the whole book. I promise as we go on it will all start to make more sense. I do have a small challenge for you this week though. 1. Read a little of Song of Solomon. 2. Think about the movies you loved as a little girl. Even write them down. We'll talk more about it next week. Thanks for reading!
Cass
To be completely honest the first chapter of this book did not make a very good first impression on me. There were things said in the first book that flot out made me mad. I still don't completely agree with everything she said in the first chapter but something in there interested me enough to want to keep reading. There were actually a number of things that intrigued me. To begin with, she uncovered so many of the questions my heart was asking and feeling. We'll get more into those questions in later chapters but believe me, I'm sure you've all wondered about them too. They are questions that we as women will always ask because our world makes us wonder about them. Why exactly are women so emotional? Why did God make us "the weaker sex?" Why is it that I always want to do better but never feel like it's enough? Why is my need to be romanced so great? My friend, that is the way God made you!
Think about it this way. We know that the Bible tells us that we are created in God's image. But why is it that when we think about God we think only of masculine features? Is God a man? Is He a woman? The truth is very simple yet we seem to not understand it. We of course know that God is neither man nor woman. But the thing is that not only are men created in God's image... women are too! God created both of them in His image. You, my women friend, show a part of God's heart that no man can ever show. And God needs you to show it! Are you hiding it by trying to be "tough?" Are you hiding your true beauty because you don't think you're beautiful at all? I was. God showed me that was sin. God does not make mistakes. For years I wondered why I had to be so emotional. It showed my weak side and after awhile I realized that if people could figure out when I'm weak they could figure out how to hurt me. So as a result I made sure to never cry in front of anyone. Oh if I had known what I was hiding!
The book has a guided journal that I bought to go through after I read the book the first time. I want to share with you a few parts of the questions asked and my responses so you can see just what condition I'm recovering from.
One question asked me to skim over the pages of the first chapter and write about the things that stood out the most to me. The part that I remember especially striking my heart was a part about little girls and twirling skirts. C'mon... you have to admit that as a little girl you loved to twirl your skirts. It made you feel beautiful! But when I was a little girl and twirled my skirts I got in trouble. It was inappropriate. The message spoken to me concerning beauty when I was a little girl was "It's wrong to want to be beautiful. God only cares about what's on the inside so to strive for beauty is vanity." It wasn't until I read this book that I realized how wrong that was. It's true that when you focus on beauty too much and can become vanity. But it is not wrong to want to be beautiful! God put that in you!
Much of this may seem very abstract because the first chapter is kind of an overview of the whole book. I promise as we go on it will all start to make more sense. I do have a small challenge for you this week though. 1. Read a little of Song of Solomon. 2. Think about the movies you loved as a little girl. Even write them down. We'll talk more about it next week. Thanks for reading!
Cass
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
The Very Beginning
I am the last person in the world you would expect to write a blog for a number of reasons. To start with, I really can't stand people who think that the whole world really cares about what they're up to. If someone wants to know bad enough then why can they just pick up the phone and call? Or send you an email? I mean, for goodness sake it couldn't get any easier nowdays to keep in touch with others! On top of that fact I am also a usually extremely busy, scatter brained, and distracted person. Normally a blog would most definitely be on the bottom of my priority list. I am used to having no extra time on my hands at all and if I ever did get any then I would certainly be using it to relax! But right now I am at a point in my life where I am BORED! I get off work at 4pm everyday and go to school one night a week until 6:15pm. So to solve my boredom problem I just figured I would get a second job... right? Well that is proving to be nearly impossible so almost every night I sit at home waiting for the love of my life to call me when he gets off work around 10. What do I do in the meantime? ANYTHING! I have nothing to do! I've been praying about this and struggling with trying to discover why God is allowing me to go through such torture. What did I do to deserve this?! Now I've got to thinking that maybe God is giving me this time for a reason. Maybe this blog is His reason...
You see, it's not that I think that I am the exception to the rule and that everyone would want to read about my life more than others. This blog is not about me. It's about God. This is one of my ways of bringing Him glory for the things that He has done in my life in the last few years. For over a year now this blog has been on my heart. I've felt the desire to share this information with others so that they too can be as blessed as I am. Until now I've never had the time or energy and at this point I have a surplus of both. So here it goes. This is my story. I've decided to begin with my testimony...
I recieved Christ into my heart at the age of four. I was born into a Godly family that was at church every time the doors where open. For a long time I had what seemed to be the perfect life. What happened when I was nine years old no one saw coming. My mom and dad starting having problems. My dad moved out for awhile and then came back. But I knew that things were still not right. The word divorce seemed to linger in the air but I never believed it would happen. Then one morning my mom woke me up early in the morning throwing all of my clothes in trash bags and telling me to gather up anything very important to me. We got in our van and drove off. Without my dad. "We're going away for awhile" she said. That trip turned into a move to another state and my parents did end up divorcing. It was about 10 months later that we ended up moving back to Florida and my mom began working. Not long after we left my brother had moved back home to live with my dad. So now it was me, age ten, my sister, age 2, and my mom. I never really had a relationship with my dad up to that point and some things that happened in the years to come left me angry and bitter. I lived the Christian life on the outside, but on the inside I was rotten. I had a bad attitude.
It wasn't until I was around 18 years old that I began to realize just what was going on in my heart. It was unforgiveness. Unforgiveness towards so many people that had hurt me over the years. I was finding it nearly impossible to find it in me to forgive. I felt justified in my anger and felt like there was some justice being done in my unwillingness to forgive. But God worked in my heart and showed me that the only person my unforgiveness was hurting was myself. What I had been longing for for so many years was peace and that true peace only came when God taught me how to forgive. You see I couldn't do it on my own. God put in my heart what I needed so that I could. A couple of years later Johnny convinced me to buy a book called Captivating written by Stasi Elderidge. He had read a book by her husband and had been positively influenced by it. What began to happen as I read that book was astonishing. And that's what I'm here to share with you. I want to show you how God taught me to be captivating so that you too can learn how to be. My plan is to blog about once a week and just go through the book chapter by chapter sharing with you what God spoke to me about while I was reading. If you have read the book or now anyone who has please invite them to follow along with me as I would love to have their input also. Thanks for you time! I know this is a long post and I promise to keep the other ones shorter :) Till next time...
Cassandra <3
You see, it's not that I think that I am the exception to the rule and that everyone would want to read about my life more than others. This blog is not about me. It's about God. This is one of my ways of bringing Him glory for the things that He has done in my life in the last few years. For over a year now this blog has been on my heart. I've felt the desire to share this information with others so that they too can be as blessed as I am. Until now I've never had the time or energy and at this point I have a surplus of both. So here it goes. This is my story. I've decided to begin with my testimony...
I recieved Christ into my heart at the age of four. I was born into a Godly family that was at church every time the doors where open. For a long time I had what seemed to be the perfect life. What happened when I was nine years old no one saw coming. My mom and dad starting having problems. My dad moved out for awhile and then came back. But I knew that things were still not right. The word divorce seemed to linger in the air but I never believed it would happen. Then one morning my mom woke me up early in the morning throwing all of my clothes in trash bags and telling me to gather up anything very important to me. We got in our van and drove off. Without my dad. "We're going away for awhile" she said. That trip turned into a move to another state and my parents did end up divorcing. It was about 10 months later that we ended up moving back to Florida and my mom began working. Not long after we left my brother had moved back home to live with my dad. So now it was me, age ten, my sister, age 2, and my mom. I never really had a relationship with my dad up to that point and some things that happened in the years to come left me angry and bitter. I lived the Christian life on the outside, but on the inside I was rotten. I had a bad attitude.
It wasn't until I was around 18 years old that I began to realize just what was going on in my heart. It was unforgiveness. Unforgiveness towards so many people that had hurt me over the years. I was finding it nearly impossible to find it in me to forgive. I felt justified in my anger and felt like there was some justice being done in my unwillingness to forgive. But God worked in my heart and showed me that the only person my unforgiveness was hurting was myself. What I had been longing for for so many years was peace and that true peace only came when God taught me how to forgive. You see I couldn't do it on my own. God put in my heart what I needed so that I could. A couple of years later Johnny convinced me to buy a book called Captivating written by Stasi Elderidge. He had read a book by her husband and had been positively influenced by it. What began to happen as I read that book was astonishing. And that's what I'm here to share with you. I want to show you how God taught me to be captivating so that you too can learn how to be. My plan is to blog about once a week and just go through the book chapter by chapter sharing with you what God spoke to me about while I was reading. If you have read the book or now anyone who has please invite them to follow along with me as I would love to have their input also. Thanks for you time! I know this is a long post and I promise to keep the other ones shorter :) Till next time...
Cassandra <3
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