I know that there are many people who have questions right now but don't know whether or not to ask or how to. Well let me start off by saying that we don't mind questions. You would be surprised at how much it helps for us to talk about Becca. She was only here for a very short time but our lives were changed forever by her. We had a sign that we were planning on hanging above her crib that said "Someday I will change the world." That was what we wanted for Becca. We had high hopes, dreams, and prayers for her. We knew that she would change the world one day but we had no idea it would happen in such a short amount of time.
For those that do not know the whole story I want to begin by explaining what exactly happened. Becca was born on July 19 at 10:05pm. She was born perfectly healthy in everyway. She was an alert and happy baby from the very beginning. This surprised some people but having carried her for 9 months and knowing how active she was already, I was not the least bit surprised. She had done everything before she was supposed to while I was carrying her. She started kicking, and kicking HARD, around 18 weeks and at my 14 week appt she had moved up so high that I was measuring at 26 weeks. So it was no surprise to me that not long after she was born she was keeping her eyes open and responding to Johnny's voice.
I had opted for a completely natural childbirth. I had Becca at a birth center in Lakeland, Celebrate Birth. I had absolutely no pain medicine at all and gave birth in a regular bed in a bedroom at the birth center. Johnny was with me the whole entire time helping me manage my pain. I had a long hard labor. I was in labor for about 3 days and pushed for 4 hours. I wouldn't trade that experience for the world. Even though it was the hardest most painful thing I have ever done, it was also the most rewarding! Having an all natural childbirth meant that I headed home about 3 hours after Becca was born. So I got home around 1 in the morning and Becca and I slept all night. The next day she slept on and off but stayed happy all day. That night when I was about to try and get some sleep for a little bit Becca started getting fussy. I decided to keep her out in the living room with me so that Johnny could sleep and made a deal with Johnny that he could take care of her when he woke up in the morning so that I could sleep. Becca stayed fussy all night long. We were struggling a little with feeding throughout the night and finally sometime around 5 we both fell asleep.
Right around 6 something made me wake up. When I looked at Becca I knew something was wrong. I couldn't see her chest rising so I listened close for breaathing. I couldn't hear anything so I began trying to wake her up and got no response. I went and got Johnny and we called 911. Now this is the part I won't talk about. What happened over the next hour and continued for the rest of the day is too hard for me to explain. Thinking about it gives me flashbacks that threaten to send me into a panic attack. I could live the rest of my life never seeing an ambulance again. All I will tell you is that they never did revive her.
Because Becca had passed while we were at home when the ambulance did arrive the sheriff's dept arrived with them. They had to do a full investigation which meant that Johnny wasn't able to go with me to the hospital. When he finally did arrive he said to me the thing that I least expected. He told me right away that is was going to be okay. He said it over and over again while he held me and finally when I couldn't take it anymore I pushed him away and said "it's not okay!" He just grabbed me and said "I know it's not, but it will be. God has a plan."
When this first happened, to be honest, I didn't really want to hear anything about God. While Johnny was telling me that he was trusting God through all of this I told him that I was glad he could because at that moment I wasn't sure if I could. While people around me were telling me that God was holding my baby for me the thing that was running through my head was, "I want her back." I couldn't even believe what had happened. All I had ever wanted in life was to be a mom. I had carried her for 9 months, taken super good care of myself and her, done everything a responsible parent should, and yet she was taken from me. I learned so much from this whole experience. I learned that life is so short and to appreciate what you have while you have it. I learned that life is too precious to get mad over things that don't really matter. But most importantly, I learned that God's love and grace have absolutely nothing to do with me.
Even though I wasn't looking for God at first, He kept reaching out to me. He showed me His love like I have never seen it before. I saw grace like I had never seen it before. Even though I was having a hard time trusting Him and believing in His will, He just kept showing me how much He loves me. God has done remarkable things through Becca's passing. He has completed changed me and Johnny. There have been so many miraculous things that never would've happened if it hadn't been for Becca's passing. Johnny and I would not have made perfect parents but we would've been good parents. Becca and our future children would have been well taken care of and grown up in a good home. But because of what God has done in me and Johnny, we'll be even better parents. I keep looking at the things that God is doing in our lives and wishing that Becca was here to experience it with us. But the thing that God gently reminds me is that if Becca was still here these things wouldn't be happening.
A few weeks before Becca was born I had poured out my heart to God and asked for something. Johnny had been really struggling with some things going on and was having a hard time trusting God with his life. I prayed that God would do whatever it took to show Himself to Johnny. While I was praying that I begged God not to let anything happen to Becca but said that if that's what it took, that I would do my best to trust Him with it. There's a verse that comes to mind that I've meditated on a lot since this happened. 2 Corinthians 12:9 "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness." We all know that part of the verse but we don't often quote the rest of it. "Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me." Losing Becca is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through. There is so much more I could go into to tell what God has taught me through this but the thing I want to share with you right now is this: Praise God in your storm. Before going through this I can't tell you how many times and I had said that and sang the well known Casting Crowns song. But I never really understood what exactly it meant until now. I've always thought that the reason we're supposed to praise God in the hard times was to make us thankful because there is always someone out there who has it worse. While that may be true, I don't believe that's the reason that we should "glory in our infirmities." I believe that the reason we should is because it strengthens our relationship with God. It is when we are at our absolute weakest, that we see how strong He truly is. That's when we see how much He truly loves us. The stronger He feels to us, the more we can trust Him. The more we see how much He loves us, the more we love Him.
I believe that everything that we go through in our lives is preparing us for something up ahead. God has made it very clear to Johnny and I that there is something great up ahead for us. We have completely surrendered our lives to the ministry and whatever God has for us. Right now we ask for your prayers as we seek God's will for our lives and decide what our next move is. Right now, we're trying to be still and listen for what God has to tell us. Phillipians 4:6-7 "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
Friday, October 4, 2013
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Forgiveness
This is not a story of triumph, at least not yet. It's more of a story of struggle. It's a plea for prayer. Prayer that God will give me the strength to do what my mind and the world tells me I don't need to do. As you've probably guessed from the title up there I'm struggling with forgiveness right now. I can handle someone hurting or wronging me but when you're hurting the people that I care the most about that's a different story. I've been dealing with this inner struggle for a few weeks now but it seems especially strong today. I've written blogs about forgiveness and even counseled others on it. But I'm struggling right now more than I ever have before. I don't understand how someone can do something careless and stupid to a person that has given their entire life for them. I don't understand how people can be in complete denial about their actions. Most of all I don't understand how a person can do one action that has the potential to destroy another person's life and not seem the least bit remorseful about it.
There's a very popular song right now by Matthew West called Forgiveness. I've mentioned in other blogs how many times God has used music to really get my attention. Well I was in the car today and REALLY struggling with how to forgive this person and, in my own sweet little way, kind of arguing with God when this song came on the radio. God knows me so well! Isn't it amazing how God can be focusing on me exactly when I need Him to? He loves me so much that, even though I know there are people in this world with much bigger struggles than mine, He still focuses in on me. The chorus to this song goes " Show me how to love the unloveable. Show me how to reach the unreachable. Show me how to do the impossible... forgiveness." BAM! That's where I am. I find this person unloveable, unreachable, and impossible to forgive. And I'm asking God how can I forgive this person and love them again. And then the song comes to a part that says "help me to do for them what you have done for me."
This person doesn't deserve my forgiveness and most people wouldn't blame me for holding a grudge against this person for the rest of my life. I don't want to pray for God to give me Christlike love for this person. But I have to, because Christ forgave me. I was unloveable and unreachable. But God sent His only Son to die for me and now when God looks at me all He sees is Christ. I am covered in Christ's blood and because of that God loves me! This unforgiveness has already started to have an effect on me that I don't like. I can already see the anger and bitterness building up and threatening to destroy relationships. Is that what I really want? No!
So what's the purpose of this blog? To whine about my problems? Definitely not. I'm begging for prayer. I know that many of you that read my blog are prayer warriors. Please don't ask for details because I will not give them. I just need prayers. Pray that God will fill me with the same love for this person that He has. Honestly, this is not what my flesh wants. But the Holy Spirit that God has placed inside of me is begging me to get rid of this unforgiveness. Not to let this person off the hook, but to let myself of the hook. Like I said in the beginning... this is not a story of triumph, yet. But I do want it to be one. I thank you in advance for the petitions that I know will be heading to Heaven shortly. The devil is trying harder than ever to divide us Christians and in times such as these we need to stand together and show him that we are brothers and sisters in Christ and that we will fight for each other. My God is good and I have no doubt that He will get me through this! Till next time...
Cass
There's a very popular song right now by Matthew West called Forgiveness. I've mentioned in other blogs how many times God has used music to really get my attention. Well I was in the car today and REALLY struggling with how to forgive this person and, in my own sweet little way, kind of arguing with God when this song came on the radio. God knows me so well! Isn't it amazing how God can be focusing on me exactly when I need Him to? He loves me so much that, even though I know there are people in this world with much bigger struggles than mine, He still focuses in on me. The chorus to this song goes " Show me how to love the unloveable. Show me how to reach the unreachable. Show me how to do the impossible... forgiveness." BAM! That's where I am. I find this person unloveable, unreachable, and impossible to forgive. And I'm asking God how can I forgive this person and love them again. And then the song comes to a part that says "help me to do for them what you have done for me."
This person doesn't deserve my forgiveness and most people wouldn't blame me for holding a grudge against this person for the rest of my life. I don't want to pray for God to give me Christlike love for this person. But I have to, because Christ forgave me. I was unloveable and unreachable. But God sent His only Son to die for me and now when God looks at me all He sees is Christ. I am covered in Christ's blood and because of that God loves me! This unforgiveness has already started to have an effect on me that I don't like. I can already see the anger and bitterness building up and threatening to destroy relationships. Is that what I really want? No!
So what's the purpose of this blog? To whine about my problems? Definitely not. I'm begging for prayer. I know that many of you that read my blog are prayer warriors. Please don't ask for details because I will not give them. I just need prayers. Pray that God will fill me with the same love for this person that He has. Honestly, this is not what my flesh wants. But the Holy Spirit that God has placed inside of me is begging me to get rid of this unforgiveness. Not to let this person off the hook, but to let myself of the hook. Like I said in the beginning... this is not a story of triumph, yet. But I do want it to be one. I thank you in advance for the petitions that I know will be heading to Heaven shortly. The devil is trying harder than ever to divide us Christians and in times such as these we need to stand together and show him that we are brothers and sisters in Christ and that we will fight for each other. My God is good and I have no doubt that He will get me through this! Till next time...
Cass
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Happy Mother's Day!
So since this blog is all about becoming a woman captivating to God I definitely thought that a blog dedicated to my mom was in order. My mom is not perfect as no woman is, but I can honestly say that my mom strives for perfection in every area of her life. She might not ever be able to accomplish that until Christ comes for us or she goes to Him but her constant effort towards it has made her into a beautiful woman inside and out. I once told her out of frustration that she couldn't expect perfection out of me and her reply was that she could expect me to try for it at least! At the time I didn't understand it and I thought she had too high expectations out of me. But now as I am older I understand how her seemingly out of reach standards for me have helped mold me into the person I am today. Any good in my character I owe to my mom.
I won't ever forget one 4th of July Sunday in church I knew ahead of time that the choir was going to be singing our National Anthem during the service. My mom played the organ and came to me and told me before the service that when the song was played I was to stand in honor of it, even if I was the only one who did. When the time came for the song only one other person besides me began to stand. I looked at my mom and she gave me a head nod. One of those subtle hints that says "you better do what is right or you'll later wish you had!" I was embarrassed to the point of being sick; but I knew that putting up with the huge knot in my stomach was nothing compared to dealing with my mom being dissappointed in me. So me and the other man stood there alone facing our flag and eventually about half way through the song the rest of the church realized that they needed to also. I had many people come to me after church and let me know that they were thankful that I stood up because it reminded them that they needed to also. At that moment, knowing how proud my mom was of me made the embarrassment worth it. My mom taught me a valuable lesson that day. Character is not common; but you should always have the courage to do the right thing, even if you're the only one doing it.
Through my life most people have seen my mom's high expectations of me as harsh and overbearing. But I would say completely the opposite. Yes I've had a certain fear of my mom. But it's not a fear of physical punishment or withdrawal of love. My biggest fear was always that I would let my mom down. Now before you start psycoanalyzing me let me say that I never did. No matter what I did wrong my mom always let me know that she loved me and that she believed in me to do the right thing. When I did mess up, she told me what the right thing to do was and because of her faith in me I always knew I could do it. She always told me that doing the right thing was never easy or popular, but it was always worth it to have favor with God.
My mom is my biggest fan. She has always believed more in me than I've ever believed in myself. When things got hard in my life and I felt like giving up she always let me know that I was not a quitter and that whatever it was that needed to be done, I could do. And I believed her. Any accomplishment in my life, I owe to my mom. I know her prayers for me are what got me through some of the hardest times in my life. She has made countless sacrifices to make sure that I could live the life she wanted me to.
So to you Mommy (yes I still call her mommy),
You were always right. No matter how smart I acted or how many facts I threw at you, you were always right. Your stand for what is right has been what has kept me going. I've met very few people that take such a stand against wrong as you do and I'm so thankful for your stand. I know that your constant faith in God is what has made me into the person I am today. All the times I've seen you pray for a miracle and recieve it, are why I have the faith in God that I do. Thank you for being a full time mom, even when you had to work. I've always known that your kids are your first priority. I love you so much. You are truly a woman after God's own heart. I love you!
I won't ever forget one 4th of July Sunday in church I knew ahead of time that the choir was going to be singing our National Anthem during the service. My mom played the organ and came to me and told me before the service that when the song was played I was to stand in honor of it, even if I was the only one who did. When the time came for the song only one other person besides me began to stand. I looked at my mom and she gave me a head nod. One of those subtle hints that says "you better do what is right or you'll later wish you had!" I was embarrassed to the point of being sick; but I knew that putting up with the huge knot in my stomach was nothing compared to dealing with my mom being dissappointed in me. So me and the other man stood there alone facing our flag and eventually about half way through the song the rest of the church realized that they needed to also. I had many people come to me after church and let me know that they were thankful that I stood up because it reminded them that they needed to also. At that moment, knowing how proud my mom was of me made the embarrassment worth it. My mom taught me a valuable lesson that day. Character is not common; but you should always have the courage to do the right thing, even if you're the only one doing it.
Through my life most people have seen my mom's high expectations of me as harsh and overbearing. But I would say completely the opposite. Yes I've had a certain fear of my mom. But it's not a fear of physical punishment or withdrawal of love. My biggest fear was always that I would let my mom down. Now before you start psycoanalyzing me let me say that I never did. No matter what I did wrong my mom always let me know that she loved me and that she believed in me to do the right thing. When I did mess up, she told me what the right thing to do was and because of her faith in me I always knew I could do it. She always told me that doing the right thing was never easy or popular, but it was always worth it to have favor with God.
My mom is my biggest fan. She has always believed more in me than I've ever believed in myself. When things got hard in my life and I felt like giving up she always let me know that I was not a quitter and that whatever it was that needed to be done, I could do. And I believed her. Any accomplishment in my life, I owe to my mom. I know her prayers for me are what got me through some of the hardest times in my life. She has made countless sacrifices to make sure that I could live the life she wanted me to.
So to you Mommy (yes I still call her mommy),
You were always right. No matter how smart I acted or how many facts I threw at you, you were always right. Your stand for what is right has been what has kept me going. I've met very few people that take such a stand against wrong as you do and I'm so thankful for your stand. I know that your constant faith in God is what has made me into the person I am today. All the times I've seen you pray for a miracle and recieve it, are why I have the faith in God that I do. Thank you for being a full time mom, even when you had to work. I've always known that your kids are your first priority. I love you so much. You are truly a woman after God's own heart. I love you!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Proverbs 24:10-12
"If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small. If thou forbear to deliver them that are drawn to death, and those that are ready to be slain; If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not he that pondereth the heart consider it? and he that keepeth thy soul, doth not he know it? and shall not he render to every man according to his works?"
So, in other words... If I know someone who needs my help, and I refuse it because I'm scared of adversity, God's going to take that into account the next time I ask Him for help. That's a sobering thought considering that I ask God for help more than I help others. When we get to Heaven we will be judged. Not on the things we did wrong, that's forgiven. But we will be judged on the right things we should've done but didn't. So many times in my life, I've been afraid to ask someone if they needed help. Isn't that crazy? My prideful shyness is what has kept me from helping others. It's not that I don't desire to help... I'm just too shy to ask.
Not that this is an excuse, but I think that part of the reason I'm so afraid to help is because when others find out how much I truly want to help, they kind of think that I'm strange or something. I shouldn't care so much what others think of me but that's a whole other story. This is one area where other types of churches have put ones like mine to shame unfortunately. Because churches like mine believe that salvation is eternal and can never be lost, we have a tendency to put good works to the side. But as Christians we are called to help those is need. The Bible says that faith without works is dead. God uses our good works to minister to others. How alive is our faith? Do we help others when it is hard or only when it is convenient?
What if you felt God asking you to give someone $20 to a person or a good cause? For some people it would be no problem. But what about those of us that it would be harder for? What if that $20 was going to be used for something else? Not something extra like going to a movie. What if it was going to be used for something like groceries? What if giving that $20 meant you were only going to have $30 for groceries instead of $50 that week? Would you still give it? Unfortunately, most of us wouldn't have enough faith in God to provide for us. Now I'm not talking about taking all the money that God has allowed you to earn and always giving it away. You have to provide for your family and that's why God gives us jobs. But every once in awhile God might ask you to do something that requires some faith to believe that things are not going to turn out the way they normally would. Every once in awhile, we ask God to make something turn out different than it normally would. Remember, God will take into account how many times you had the faith to believe He could do it.
This is the prayer God has given me for this year and it's not an easy one. "God, give me true compassion for someone. Show me someone who needs my help in a way that will truly inconvenience my life and require me to have faith in only You to make it all work out." That's a mouthful. But it's what I'm commanded to do. Matt 22:39. This is a prayer that shouldn't be prayed lightly, because the journey ahead will not be an easy one. But I mean it and I'm ready! I want my faith and compassion for others to grow in 2012 so that I can be better able to serve God with all my HEART, soul, and mind. I need prayer for this journey. Prayer that God will give me wisdom and discernment to see the person, or people, that He is going to bring into my life. And please pray that my shyness doesn't get in the way of me asking if they need help! Thanks for reading! Until next time,
Cass
So, in other words... If I know someone who needs my help, and I refuse it because I'm scared of adversity, God's going to take that into account the next time I ask Him for help. That's a sobering thought considering that I ask God for help more than I help others. When we get to Heaven we will be judged. Not on the things we did wrong, that's forgiven. But we will be judged on the right things we should've done but didn't. So many times in my life, I've been afraid to ask someone if they needed help. Isn't that crazy? My prideful shyness is what has kept me from helping others. It's not that I don't desire to help... I'm just too shy to ask.
Not that this is an excuse, but I think that part of the reason I'm so afraid to help is because when others find out how much I truly want to help, they kind of think that I'm strange or something. I shouldn't care so much what others think of me but that's a whole other story. This is one area where other types of churches have put ones like mine to shame unfortunately. Because churches like mine believe that salvation is eternal and can never be lost, we have a tendency to put good works to the side. But as Christians we are called to help those is need. The Bible says that faith without works is dead. God uses our good works to minister to others. How alive is our faith? Do we help others when it is hard or only when it is convenient?
What if you felt God asking you to give someone $20 to a person or a good cause? For some people it would be no problem. But what about those of us that it would be harder for? What if that $20 was going to be used for something else? Not something extra like going to a movie. What if it was going to be used for something like groceries? What if giving that $20 meant you were only going to have $30 for groceries instead of $50 that week? Would you still give it? Unfortunately, most of us wouldn't have enough faith in God to provide for us. Now I'm not talking about taking all the money that God has allowed you to earn and always giving it away. You have to provide for your family and that's why God gives us jobs. But every once in awhile God might ask you to do something that requires some faith to believe that things are not going to turn out the way they normally would. Every once in awhile, we ask God to make something turn out different than it normally would. Remember, God will take into account how many times you had the faith to believe He could do it.
This is the prayer God has given me for this year and it's not an easy one. "God, give me true compassion for someone. Show me someone who needs my help in a way that will truly inconvenience my life and require me to have faith in only You to make it all work out." That's a mouthful. But it's what I'm commanded to do. Matt 22:39. This is a prayer that shouldn't be prayed lightly, because the journey ahead will not be an easy one. But I mean it and I'm ready! I want my faith and compassion for others to grow in 2012 so that I can be better able to serve God with all my HEART, soul, and mind. I need prayer for this journey. Prayer that God will give me wisdom and discernment to see the person, or people, that He is going to bring into my life. And please pray that my shyness doesn't get in the way of me asking if they need help! Thanks for reading! Until next time,
Cass
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
No more apologies!
I finally had a little bit of time to get on the computer and do some updating and while I was thinking about and reading some of my previous blogs I realized that most of them have began with an apology. I'm tired of apologizing. I've come to realize that most of my readers probably don't have time to sit down and read a blog every week anymore than I have time to write one every week! They say "absence makes the heart grow fonder" so I assume you must be pretty fond of me by now!
God has been laying a few different things on my heart lately and some recent events have convinced me that tonight was the night to share all of it. To be honest, I don't even know where to start. So many times I've started a blog wanting to say one thing but God guides my fingers to type something very different. I haven't forgotten about Captivating and many of the things that I've been blogging about have come about because of things that I've learned by reading that book. But I've decided to ditch the chapter by chapter stuff and just share with you lessons that I've learned. One of the very important lessons that I learned reading that book was about forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a funny thing. You can learn it the easy way or the hard way but I've yet to meet anyone who hasn't learned it the hard way. One way or another you will learn it though. Either that or you will live a bitter angry person your entire life. There have been many times in my life that I truly thought that I had forgiven someone only to find out that I either hadn't actually forgiven them or that I had taken back my forgiveness. There have been people in my life that have wronged me that I have simply forgiven once and forgotten about the situation. But there are also people in my life that I must forgive everyday. My pastor's wife has a saying that if something isn't sweet it's bitter. If you have someone in your life that you cannot have sweet thoughts toward, then there is bitterness there. Isn't that convicting?!?! When I heard her say that, the list of people in my life that I was bitter towards became longer than I could see.
You see, conquering bitterness isn't a one time deal. It's something that you must be on the lookout for constantly. It's one of the devil's best weapons because so many times we never see it coming. There have been so many times when I've become angry because while I was just simply thinking about something an image or a memory came to mind that I thought was long gone. But that one memory has enough power behind it to ruin my entire day because just for one moment I allowed myself to be bitter. That's how powerful bitterness is. And where there is bitterness there is unforgiveness.
What do you really think gives you the right to be unforgiving towards anyone? I've made it very clear in this blog that I never intend to insult or offend anyone but I also will not keep from saying something that I feel like I need to say simply because I'm afraid of offending someone. So if what I'm about to say offends you I'm sorry but no one is forcing you to read this. I get really upset when I see people that don't feel like they need to be forgiving. I see so many people that feel like they're serving out justice by being unforgiving. Is that really your place to serve justice? Because my Bible says that you're no better than anyone else on this earth saved or unsaved. It says that "all have come short of the glory of God" and that our rightousness is to God "as filthy rags." So maybe you should leave the judging and justice up to God. But you know what else? God doesn't judge you anywhere close to what you deserve. I mean just think about everything that God has done for you. Do you really think that you even begin to come close to showing God how much you appreciate that? Yet He still loves you, still watches out for you, and is there for you every single time you come back begging for mercy to get out of the mess you got YOURSELF into. So if you really think that you have any right to hold a grudge towards anyone, maybe you should just take a moment to stop and think about what would happen if God did that to you.
Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. When someone rejects God and His love, He has no choice but to leave them to themselves even if it means self destruction, because He will not force His love on anyone. Sometimes in our lives we must do the same. We must leave people to themselves and stop trying to give them help that they do not want. Sometimes you must completely separate yourself from them in order to be sure that you yourself do not go down with them. You know how I said that "if it's not sweet it's bitter?" Well sweetness is not something we can produce on our own. It comes from a life of loving and living for Christ. So where do you think bitterness comes from? Unfortunately our sinful nature produces that on it's own quite well. When people do not live for Christ they are living for themselves and are furthering the devil's purpose on earth. The devil doesn't need to recruit people, he just needs to get people away from Christ.
The only reason I feel like I can say anything on the subject of forgiveness is because I've had to learn this lesson more than once. And honestly, God continues to teach it to me even now. The bottom line is that bitterness is sin and sin is of the devil. So be on a constant watch for it. Fill yourself with the love of Christ by dwelling with Him and the devil won't stand a chance. If you think you can do it on your own I'm afraid you're mistaken. It's more trouble than it's worth because God wants to fight for you and win your battles for you. Let Him be your warrior! And take comfort in knowing that when it comes to God vs. the Devil, God has never lost. So beginning now, give your unforgiveness to God and relax! Enjoy the sweetness that will soon fill your heart! Until next time...
Cass
God has been laying a few different things on my heart lately and some recent events have convinced me that tonight was the night to share all of it. To be honest, I don't even know where to start. So many times I've started a blog wanting to say one thing but God guides my fingers to type something very different. I haven't forgotten about Captivating and many of the things that I've been blogging about have come about because of things that I've learned by reading that book. But I've decided to ditch the chapter by chapter stuff and just share with you lessons that I've learned. One of the very important lessons that I learned reading that book was about forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a funny thing. You can learn it the easy way or the hard way but I've yet to meet anyone who hasn't learned it the hard way. One way or another you will learn it though. Either that or you will live a bitter angry person your entire life. There have been many times in my life that I truly thought that I had forgiven someone only to find out that I either hadn't actually forgiven them or that I had taken back my forgiveness. There have been people in my life that have wronged me that I have simply forgiven once and forgotten about the situation. But there are also people in my life that I must forgive everyday. My pastor's wife has a saying that if something isn't sweet it's bitter. If you have someone in your life that you cannot have sweet thoughts toward, then there is bitterness there. Isn't that convicting?!?! When I heard her say that, the list of people in my life that I was bitter towards became longer than I could see.
You see, conquering bitterness isn't a one time deal. It's something that you must be on the lookout for constantly. It's one of the devil's best weapons because so many times we never see it coming. There have been so many times when I've become angry because while I was just simply thinking about something an image or a memory came to mind that I thought was long gone. But that one memory has enough power behind it to ruin my entire day because just for one moment I allowed myself to be bitter. That's how powerful bitterness is. And where there is bitterness there is unforgiveness.
What do you really think gives you the right to be unforgiving towards anyone? I've made it very clear in this blog that I never intend to insult or offend anyone but I also will not keep from saying something that I feel like I need to say simply because I'm afraid of offending someone. So if what I'm about to say offends you I'm sorry but no one is forcing you to read this. I get really upset when I see people that don't feel like they need to be forgiving. I see so many people that feel like they're serving out justice by being unforgiving. Is that really your place to serve justice? Because my Bible says that you're no better than anyone else on this earth saved or unsaved. It says that "all have come short of the glory of God" and that our rightousness is to God "as filthy rags." So maybe you should leave the judging and justice up to God. But you know what else? God doesn't judge you anywhere close to what you deserve. I mean just think about everything that God has done for you. Do you really think that you even begin to come close to showing God how much you appreciate that? Yet He still loves you, still watches out for you, and is there for you every single time you come back begging for mercy to get out of the mess you got YOURSELF into. So if you really think that you have any right to hold a grudge towards anyone, maybe you should just take a moment to stop and think about what would happen if God did that to you.
Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. When someone rejects God and His love, He has no choice but to leave them to themselves even if it means self destruction, because He will not force His love on anyone. Sometimes in our lives we must do the same. We must leave people to themselves and stop trying to give them help that they do not want. Sometimes you must completely separate yourself from them in order to be sure that you yourself do not go down with them. You know how I said that "if it's not sweet it's bitter?" Well sweetness is not something we can produce on our own. It comes from a life of loving and living for Christ. So where do you think bitterness comes from? Unfortunately our sinful nature produces that on it's own quite well. When people do not live for Christ they are living for themselves and are furthering the devil's purpose on earth. The devil doesn't need to recruit people, he just needs to get people away from Christ.
The only reason I feel like I can say anything on the subject of forgiveness is because I've had to learn this lesson more than once. And honestly, God continues to teach it to me even now. The bottom line is that bitterness is sin and sin is of the devil. So be on a constant watch for it. Fill yourself with the love of Christ by dwelling with Him and the devil won't stand a chance. If you think you can do it on your own I'm afraid you're mistaken. It's more trouble than it's worth because God wants to fight for you and win your battles for you. Let Him be your warrior! And take comfort in knowing that when it comes to God vs. the Devil, God has never lost. So beginning now, give your unforgiveness to God and relax! Enjoy the sweetness that will soon fill your heart! Until next time...
Cass
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
It's been too long...
This blog, like the last couple, is completely different from what I originally intended for this blog to be about. So much has happened in the past few months that I just haven't been able to find the time to get on here and devote the time and attention to this blog. For that, I am truly sorry. I probably should have made it a bigger priority but with my wedding coming up this Saturday (YAY) and everything else going on I've been super busy. But something happened tonight that I just have to share. In fact, it would be selfish not to because everyone who reads this should get to hear about how great God is and just how He showed me that tonight. The past couple of weeks seem to have been nothing but horrible to be honest. But even in the midst of all of that God has continued to show me little things just to remind me about how much He loves me and cares for me. I don't know how I would've made it if it hadn't been for those sweet little reminders.But tonight was completely different. Tonight, I felt like I had God's complete attention. As if for these moments no one else in the world mattered besides me.
Have you ever had one of the those days, or series of days, that just left you feeling completely defeated? I know we all have and honestly, after today, I just felt like throwing in the towel. I was tired of "being strong" and all I wanted was to give up and take the easy way out. We've had car troubles, money troubles, and work troubles that have been piling up and just getting worse over time for awhile now. By "we" I mean me and Johnny. But things really hit the roof this weekend. Friday night Johnny called me from work complaining about chest pain. He's had these pains for a couple of weeks now but they definitely have been getting worse and they were pretty bad on Friday night. I took him to the ER and was there literally all night. The DR sent him home saying it was probably just anxiety since the EKG came back normal. We did however find out that he has diverticulitis so that was a small blessing to finally know why he has such issues with his stomach. Today though Johnny called me at work saying that the pain had gotten very bad and that he really felt like he needed to go to the ER again. So on my lunch break I go and drop him off. Now here it is, three days until my wedding, my dad and step mom arrive in town today, I've got 14 people coming over to my house for dinner tomorrow, and Johnny is in the ER. So you can probably figure out why I'm feeling completely defeated. But even in the midst of all of my self pity at a time when I seemed to have forgotten about God, He didn't forget about me! Here's what happened next...
I live in the lightning capital of the world. More lightning strikes happen in central Florida than any other place on earth. We have these crazy things I call lightning storms where we have all this lightning but no rain or thunder. I think it's awesome! One of the things I love best about living in Florida is sitting and watching lightning light up the sky in complete silence. To me it's just a beautiful picture of God's power. I like to think of it as God showing off :) Tonight, on my way home from the hospital, I saw the most beautiful one I have ever seen! Words cannot even describe the beauty of it all! I was in complete awe and silently thanked God for showing me His power at such a time. But it only got better from there. I came home and began cleaning my apt in preparation for my guests tomorrow and decided to play the radio on my computer. Chris Tomlin's I Will Rise came on right after. This is already one of my favorite songs but tonight it touched me in a completely different way. I felt so overcome by the Spirit that I had to stop what I was doing and just raise my hands and worship. With tears streaming down my face I felt like God was just filling me up with His love when I felt so undeserving of it. But it just got better in a matter of 10 seconds! Within a couple of seconds of the song ending I get the sweetest text message from Johnny telling me how much he loves me! As I'm reading the message I turn the radio back up and Mandisa's Stronger is on the radio now! Another one of my favorites! It was like in that short time God had spoken to my heart and just said "I love you and I always will. I know exactly what you need, when you need it, and how to give it to you."
I never ceased to be amazed at God's love for me! Sure, Johnny is still in the hospital until at least tomorrow just to rule out any heart problems. And there are still work and money issues to be dealt with. But in the midst of all of this God is doing a mighty work in mine and Johnny's hearts. He is showing us that no matter what we face, "He will never leave us nor forsake us". It doesn't get any better than that! I'm writing this to tell you that no matter what you're going through right now, God is still there! He still loves you even when you have a hard time feeling Him there! He cares about you and when you need Him the most, all you have to do is call! Please don't ever give up! God might not change your circumstances, but if you let Him, He'll change your attitude about them. Until next time...
Cass
Have you ever had one of the those days, or series of days, that just left you feeling completely defeated? I know we all have and honestly, after today, I just felt like throwing in the towel. I was tired of "being strong" and all I wanted was to give up and take the easy way out. We've had car troubles, money troubles, and work troubles that have been piling up and just getting worse over time for awhile now. By "we" I mean me and Johnny. But things really hit the roof this weekend. Friday night Johnny called me from work complaining about chest pain. He's had these pains for a couple of weeks now but they definitely have been getting worse and they were pretty bad on Friday night. I took him to the ER and was there literally all night. The DR sent him home saying it was probably just anxiety since the EKG came back normal. We did however find out that he has diverticulitis so that was a small blessing to finally know why he has such issues with his stomach. Today though Johnny called me at work saying that the pain had gotten very bad and that he really felt like he needed to go to the ER again. So on my lunch break I go and drop him off. Now here it is, three days until my wedding, my dad and step mom arrive in town today, I've got 14 people coming over to my house for dinner tomorrow, and Johnny is in the ER. So you can probably figure out why I'm feeling completely defeated. But even in the midst of all of my self pity at a time when I seemed to have forgotten about God, He didn't forget about me! Here's what happened next...
I live in the lightning capital of the world. More lightning strikes happen in central Florida than any other place on earth. We have these crazy things I call lightning storms where we have all this lightning but no rain or thunder. I think it's awesome! One of the things I love best about living in Florida is sitting and watching lightning light up the sky in complete silence. To me it's just a beautiful picture of God's power. I like to think of it as God showing off :) Tonight, on my way home from the hospital, I saw the most beautiful one I have ever seen! Words cannot even describe the beauty of it all! I was in complete awe and silently thanked God for showing me His power at such a time. But it only got better from there. I came home and began cleaning my apt in preparation for my guests tomorrow and decided to play the radio on my computer. Chris Tomlin's I Will Rise came on right after. This is already one of my favorite songs but tonight it touched me in a completely different way. I felt so overcome by the Spirit that I had to stop what I was doing and just raise my hands and worship. With tears streaming down my face I felt like God was just filling me up with His love when I felt so undeserving of it. But it just got better in a matter of 10 seconds! Within a couple of seconds of the song ending I get the sweetest text message from Johnny telling me how much he loves me! As I'm reading the message I turn the radio back up and Mandisa's Stronger is on the radio now! Another one of my favorites! It was like in that short time God had spoken to my heart and just said "I love you and I always will. I know exactly what you need, when you need it, and how to give it to you."
I never ceased to be amazed at God's love for me! Sure, Johnny is still in the hospital until at least tomorrow just to rule out any heart problems. And there are still work and money issues to be dealt with. But in the midst of all of this God is doing a mighty work in mine and Johnny's hearts. He is showing us that no matter what we face, "He will never leave us nor forsake us". It doesn't get any better than that! I'm writing this to tell you that no matter what you're going through right now, God is still there! He still loves you even when you have a hard time feeling Him there! He cares about you and when you need Him the most, all you have to do is call! Please don't ever give up! God might not change your circumstances, but if you let Him, He'll change your attitude about them. Until next time...
Cass
Monday, April 11, 2011
Finally!
Whew! Sorry it's been so long since I've been on here. I moved out of my mom's house a few weeks ago and into my first apartment! Yay! But getting settled in took alot longer than I thought it would! I have a confession to make. I haven't even opened Captivating since the move :( I've been so busy trying to get eveything all settled and I'm just now starting to get to used to my new life. I don't currently have internet at my place so I have to start doing this from school for the time being. I understand that the last blog that I left you with seemed a little depressing and my plan was to come in the next week and save the day with an awesome blog that was gonna make you feel so much better. Lousy timing huh? Well since I haven't had the time to study like I should've I've decided to share with you some other things that God has been working in my life about lately. If you've never done a Beth Moore study I greatly encourage it. I've done one and am currently doing another one at my church with some ladies. Kind of a small group sort of thing. The one I'm doing right now is called So Long Insecurity and boy is it a doozy!
You see, I am consider myself a pretty insecure person. I do not alot of people who are much worse than I am but for years I have watched as my insecurities about certain things have kept me from doing things that I knew I should do and frankly, I'm sick of it! There have been so many times when I felt like I should say something encouraging to someone or tell someone about the gospel but somewhere deep inside me there was a voice telling me "Don't do it! You'll look like an idiot. No one cares about what you have to say." So at that moment I listen to that voice and I keep my mouth shut. But then later I end up feeling so guilty about it because I knew that it was God telling me to say something but somehow the other voice seemed louder. But was that voice really louder? Or was I just not listening to God's voice as well?
For years I have justified my insecurities and I've done it to the point that they have become a huge part of my life and I don't know how I will ever part with them no matter how badly I want to. I went for years without using my voice for the Lord and really convinced myself that I what I was doing was okay. Until finally about two years ago I faced that insecurity and started singing in church. The relief was unbelievable but until recently I still lived with the shame of how long I had gone going completely against what I knew God was telling me to do. So, when my pastor's wife started this insecurity class I decided that I was going to join and that God was going to take away all of my insecurities. But it wasn't that easy.
I start going to the class and completely enjoyed it. However, the more I learned about insecurity and how it is a sin the more discouraged I became about my own insecurity. I felt like my insecurity had gotten to the point that if I ever did come out of it the process would take the rest of my life. Well in the book there is this prayer. We were given copies of it and told to take it home and apply it to our lives. There were parts where we were supposed to fill in blanks and really make it personal. I read over it and thought "well I'll give it a shot but I'm not sure how much it will help." This past Thursday night I sat down and read over this prayer. Before I read it I prayed and asked God that He would work a miracle in my life and that somehow this prayer would do something even if it was only the beginning of something bigger. The results completely took me by surprise! As I read that prayer God revealed so many things about myself to me. I saw myself in this prayer and realized that it was exactly what I needed to say to God. Do you realize how proud insecurity is? You see insecurity means that you don't think you have it in you to do something such as look a certain way, talk a certain way, or do something. Do you realize that you are nothing without God? There is nothing that you can do without Him! Even the things in your life that you aren't insecure about have nothing to do with you. It's ALL ABOUT HIM! If you feel that God is telling you to do something then He will give you what you need to do it. And by the way, that includes taking away your fears! 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." How amazing is that?!?! Listen to the voice of God as hard as you can! Quit listening to the devil tell you that you can't do it. He is out for your soul! He will destroy you if you give him the chance but God has already defeated him for you! Claim that victory! Let the devil know that he will not win this battle inside you because Christ is in you and He is stronger than the devil. We, especially us women, need to quit allowing the devil to tell us that we are less than we are. My friend, you are an amazing work of art hand crafted by the Master Artist. He has created you exactly as He wants you to be and that includes your looks, your personality, and EVERYTHING about you. If that doesn't get you excited I don't know what will!
I'm not trying to say that on Thursday night all my insecurities fled because they sure didn't. But I know now that there is hope. I know that God has forgiven me for all the times insecurity has robbed me of His blessing on me. It might takes years but I know that with God on my side fighting my battles against the devil for me that I can beat my insecurities and so can you! We all have insecurities about something. This week when you feel them creeping up on you call the devil out on them. Do it verbally! Say out loud that he will not win and that Christ is stronger! I promise you will see results. The devil cannot stay where he is not wanted. Claim God's promises for your life this week and see what happens. I'd love to hear about it. Send me a message on facebook and let me know! Hopefully I'll be ready to continue our journey through Captivating next week. Until then,
Cass
You see, I am consider myself a pretty insecure person. I do not alot of people who are much worse than I am but for years I have watched as my insecurities about certain things have kept me from doing things that I knew I should do and frankly, I'm sick of it! There have been so many times when I felt like I should say something encouraging to someone or tell someone about the gospel but somewhere deep inside me there was a voice telling me "Don't do it! You'll look like an idiot. No one cares about what you have to say." So at that moment I listen to that voice and I keep my mouth shut. But then later I end up feeling so guilty about it because I knew that it was God telling me to say something but somehow the other voice seemed louder. But was that voice really louder? Or was I just not listening to God's voice as well?
For years I have justified my insecurities and I've done it to the point that they have become a huge part of my life and I don't know how I will ever part with them no matter how badly I want to. I went for years without using my voice for the Lord and really convinced myself that I what I was doing was okay. Until finally about two years ago I faced that insecurity and started singing in church. The relief was unbelievable but until recently I still lived with the shame of how long I had gone going completely against what I knew God was telling me to do. So, when my pastor's wife started this insecurity class I decided that I was going to join and that God was going to take away all of my insecurities. But it wasn't that easy.
I start going to the class and completely enjoyed it. However, the more I learned about insecurity and how it is a sin the more discouraged I became about my own insecurity. I felt like my insecurity had gotten to the point that if I ever did come out of it the process would take the rest of my life. Well in the book there is this prayer. We were given copies of it and told to take it home and apply it to our lives. There were parts where we were supposed to fill in blanks and really make it personal. I read over it and thought "well I'll give it a shot but I'm not sure how much it will help." This past Thursday night I sat down and read over this prayer. Before I read it I prayed and asked God that He would work a miracle in my life and that somehow this prayer would do something even if it was only the beginning of something bigger. The results completely took me by surprise! As I read that prayer God revealed so many things about myself to me. I saw myself in this prayer and realized that it was exactly what I needed to say to God. Do you realize how proud insecurity is? You see insecurity means that you don't think you have it in you to do something such as look a certain way, talk a certain way, or do something. Do you realize that you are nothing without God? There is nothing that you can do without Him! Even the things in your life that you aren't insecure about have nothing to do with you. It's ALL ABOUT HIM! If you feel that God is telling you to do something then He will give you what you need to do it. And by the way, that includes taking away your fears! 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." How amazing is that?!?! Listen to the voice of God as hard as you can! Quit listening to the devil tell you that you can't do it. He is out for your soul! He will destroy you if you give him the chance but God has already defeated him for you! Claim that victory! Let the devil know that he will not win this battle inside you because Christ is in you and He is stronger than the devil. We, especially us women, need to quit allowing the devil to tell us that we are less than we are. My friend, you are an amazing work of art hand crafted by the Master Artist. He has created you exactly as He wants you to be and that includes your looks, your personality, and EVERYTHING about you. If that doesn't get you excited I don't know what will!
I'm not trying to say that on Thursday night all my insecurities fled because they sure didn't. But I know now that there is hope. I know that God has forgiven me for all the times insecurity has robbed me of His blessing on me. It might takes years but I know that with God on my side fighting my battles against the devil for me that I can beat my insecurities and so can you! We all have insecurities about something. This week when you feel them creeping up on you call the devil out on them. Do it verbally! Say out loud that he will not win and that Christ is stronger! I promise you will see results. The devil cannot stay where he is not wanted. Claim God's promises for your life this week and see what happens. I'd love to hear about it. Send me a message on facebook and let me know! Hopefully I'll be ready to continue our journey through Captivating next week. Until then,
Cass
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